Originally posted on Razzball  |  Last updated 4/4/12

Kyle Farnsworth is headed to the DL.  You know who called this one?  No one.  Geez, closers are dropping like it’s hot and they’re from the North Pole and can’t handle the heat.  Hmm, that wasn’t so pithy.  In the last week, we’ve lost Madson, Storen, Andrew Bailey, Frank Francisco.  Though we got back Frank Francisco, Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Lidge, Henry Rodriguez, Sean Marshall, Melancon, Aceves, Joel Peralta, Jake McGee, J.P. Howell and Fernando Rodney.  It’s like a two-for-one trade-in deal where you give in a Rolls Royce and get back two doodie bubbles.  “Doctor, my closers are all in the red!”  “I don’t know if I can help.  I’m just a doctor who studied at Harvard Medical School and was a Rhodes Scholar and other important scholarly pursuits.  I’m not Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario.  Or FML.”  That’s a convo I overheard recently.  For saves, tell Aetna that you want me.  The ********** in Tampa Bay is pretty murky, but it sounds like Farnsworth is gonna miss a lot of time.  The issues he’s having he had last September.  You don’t usually go six months with recurring elbow pain as a pitcher, unless your name is Joey Devine.  Peralta would be my first grab, in the non-sexual way.  He had saves last year in Farnsy’s absence; he should get saves this year.  My second grab would be Lovey and Thurston Howell’s son, J.P.  He could see the majority of the situational saves since he’s a lefty.  Then I’d grab Jake McGee because he’s the closer of the future and he has a cool name.  Sounds like a character Mel Gibson would’ve played back in the early 90′s before he hated Jews and sobriety.  Finally, I could see Fernando Rodney sneaking into the save picture because he has that ever elusive closer experience, but his experience is rotten with stank, so I wouldn’t grab him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Sike!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to announce the 4th podcast in the (greater than 3) series.  During this podcast, the winner of our theme song contest is announced.  The winner should comment with their contact info.  Anyway II, here’s the podcast and roundup:

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Frank Francisco – Will be fine for Opening Day, according to the Mets doctors.  Damn, almost said that with a straight face.  No, seriously, he should be fine… Dah!  Again, I tried.  Do with that info what you will.  Let’s just say, I would’ve dropped Parnell or Rauch for Peralta or Melancon, but I wouldn’t drop the Mets set-up men just for s’s and g’s.

Andrew Bailey – Headed for surgery as Bailey’s Party of Five fingers received terrible news.  He’ll be out for 3 to 4 months, at least.  I’d add Melancon and Aceves, in that order.  For more, click –> Andrew Bailey fantasy or scroll down.  No, your other down.

Drew Storen – Hmm… This is just all closer news all the time here, huh?  Sounds like Storen should be fine by mid-April, but I’ll believe it when I see him record five saves in a row.  Sorry, I’m a cynic.

John Lannan – This is funny to me, and by that I mean not really funny, all spring the Nats were trying to trade Lannan.  They didn’t find any takers — shocker! — so they said they would put him in their rotation.  Now they optioned him to the minors.  Here’s what actually went down, the Nats, “We decided we don’t want to trade Lannan, we won’t him in our rotation.”  Then thinking they shut off the mic, “Hopefully clubs will want to trade for him now that we said he’s good enough to be in our rotation.  Otherwise, I’ll just run him over with my… Wait, does this red light mean the mic is on or off?”

Jose Bautista – Has mild groin soreness, which sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn star.  Bautista should be fine for Opening Day.

Brett Cecil – Was sent down to Double-A New Hampshire, whose team motto is “Pitch Well Or Die.”

Felix Hernandez – Was throwing 89-90 MPH last week and said, “Really, it’s Spring Training, man.  I’m fine.  I was trying to be like Jamie Moyer.”  That quote makes me love F-Her.

Tsuyoshi Wada - Headed to the 15-day DL.  But I hardly Tsuyoshinoya.

Daniel Descalso – Will start at second base for the Cards on Opening Day, after Tyler Greene was announced as the starter.  I thought La Russa retired.  This is liable to be a timeshare, so whoever owns these two players will have high member fees.

Alfredo Simon – Signed by the Reds.  The Reds were excited to have a righty in their bullpen, saying, “Finally, we have someone that can murder lefties.”

Adam Dunn – Robin Ventura said he’s leaning towards Dunn in the three hole, saying, “Even though he might strike out a little bit…”  That’s like saying, “I’m going with sandpaper in the two hole even though it may scratch a bit.”

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