I didn’t plan on writing today because I like to take Tuesdays off to perfect my FIFA 12 skills, and since I’m dedicated to the process of being a champion I don’t like to waver. However all that went out the window when I realized there was a coat of stuff in Carlos Boozer’s of the Chicago Bulls‘ head Sunday afternoon.
Let me first admit that I was fooled. I watched him miss ten foot jump shots and get outworked for rebounds all game. Yet it never occurred to me that he had a head full of an indiscernible substance. Maybe it was shoe polish and the residue was dripping into his eye? It would make some sense. It would at least explain how continues to miss baskets.
So what is that substance? Who knows? The only people who truly know are Carlos Boozer and possibly the tattoo artist that thought it was a good idea to start giving shape-ups on the weekend. I wish I could talk to my man Booze and get to the bottom of this. The speculation is killing. 
I need to know what that is and if we can somehow get LeBron James and endorsement. I could see the promo commercial now, “This morning, I have decided, to put Boozer Wax where my headband normally is. Time to toss powder at Club Live.”
In order to get to the bottom of this issue I have decided to start a Twitter account. So if you want to get Matlock on this investigation with me Follow @BoozerHairButta. We will get to the bottom of this.
No stone will be left unturned. The mystery must stop now!
Our investigation will operate by on creed, “We are here for one reason. To get to the bottom of Boozer’s Hair Butter, and we won’t stop until we find the answer, or until his jump shot actually starts going in again. Whichever comes first.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane
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