Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 8/1/14
Welcome to the August 1st, 2014 edition of “The Cuttys,” or the Jay Cutler DON’T CARE awards. They honor, as one Facebook commenter put it: “all the non-news that’s fit to delete.” Or more literally:  “all the terrible attempts at creating news, that I instantly deleted upon seeing it in my inbox.” All media members receive dozens of press releases and story pitches from publicists, Sports Information Departments, Media Relations and PR people every week. These were the most utterly asinine and completely worthless among the 100-150 or so that I received per week. And as always, in case you missed it, here’s how these awards got named. DISHONORABLE MENTION 1:  the subject heading on this one was actually: “A Pulitzer Prize Winning Story” OMG! ROTFLMAO!!!!!! Hi, Be the first to ask why Fortune 500 firms are included in Government Small Business contracting data.  Click here for information on over one trillion dollars in contracting fraud.  Thank you, Steve Godfrey Membership Director/ Public Relations American Small Business League DISHONORABLE MENTION 2: MILWAUKEE BUCKS CONTINUE MILK HOUSE TRADITION WITH NEW SPONSORSHIP BY PRAIRIE FARMS Never fear – the cup of milk that only costs a quarter is still here. The Milwaukee Bucks have announced a new multi-year sponsorship with Prairie Farms Dairy, Inc., the official milk of the Milwaukee Bucks, which keeps the Wisconsin State Fair tradition alive. The popular 25-year-old fair attraction will now be known as the “Milwaukee Bucks Milk House – Presented by Prairie Farms Dairy” and will continue to sell everyone’s favorite 25-cent milk.  “We’re excited to have Prairie Farms Dairy join the growing family of Bucks corporate partners and look forward to helping them grow their footprint in Wisconsin,” said David Snyder, vice president corporate partnerships for the Bucks. I spared you the entire release because it’s PRODUCT PLACEMENT, NOT NEWS! A very obscure and very bad NBA franchise partnered with a milk company whooped-de-f**ing-do!!! The only person who tries to pretend like commercials are actual journalism is Darren Rovell, so send it to him! Speaking of the Bucks, and since I brought up Rovell, our third place “winner” is also an example of corporations disguised as people. BRONZE MEDAL: MILWAUKEE BUCKS ANNOUNCE NEW EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP AND ENHANCED FOCUS ON COMMUNITY AFFAIRS AND SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY The Milwaukee Bucks continued building out the organization today with the announcement of two new executives and the appointment of one of the team’s most senior leaders to spearhead the newly established Community Affairs and Social Responsibility department. Bucks owners Marc Lasry and Wes Edens announced that Patrick McDonough has joined the organization as Chief Financial Officer, Bob Cook has been hired as Vice President of Business Affairs, and that longtime Bucks executive John F. Steinmiller will lead the organization’s community outreach efforts in a new role as Executive Vice President of Community Affairs and Social Responsibility. Bucks co-owner Wes Edens commented, “John Steinmiller has been a part of this team’s fabric since the very beginning, and I can think of no better person to solidify this team’s bond with the city than a man who has dedicated his entire career to improving the team and the community in which it exists.” Co-owner Marc Lasry said, “We are so excited about how this team is coming together. The Milwaukee Bucks will be one of the best organizations in professional sports on and off the floor. That means recruiting the best talent and making the Bucks integral throughout the community. Bob Cook and Patrick McDonough are incredible additions to the organization.” Steinmiller begins his 45th season as a member of the Milwaukee Bucks organization, and after a 34-year run as Executive Vice President of Business Operations will take on the new role as Executive Vice President of Community Affairs and Social Responsibility. In his new position, Steinmiller will reinforce the team’s commitment to the region through the planning and implementation of team and league-wide initiatives. He will also lend his years of experience to assist Lasry and Edens in their efforts to engage as new members of the community. This marks the first time that the Bucks organization will have an executive level team member focused entirely on making the team a partner in the greater Milwaukee community.  Again I spared the entire thing and all of it’s buzzword bliss. No one ever wants to read anything in corporatespeak. No ever clicks on anything about community service, and you know how profile the Milwaukee Bucks are. So put those three properties together and you get….I know it’s frightening that this press release is only THIRD PLACE! (And I even left out the Milwaukee Bucks press release about their Wisconsin State Fair appearance!) SILVER MEDAL: Hi Paul, Returning to Los Angeles as the only professional competition series in street skateboarding, the 2014 SLS Nike SB World Tour on Sunday delivered to a sold out arena the highest level of competitive street skating the city has ever witnessed. With this stop determining the roster for the SLS Nike SB Super Crown World Championship, the world’s most elite skateboarders spared nothing to up their Season Standings and be one of the final eight Top Qualifiers heading to Newark this August. From a SLS season of epic skateboarding, the FINAL EIGHT have been decided for the SLS Nike SB Super Crown World Championship: Nyjah Huston, Luan Oliveira, Torey Pudwill, Shane O’Neill, Paul Rodriguez, Chaz Ortiz, Matt Berger and Ishod Wair. Seriously, Nike? Did you get any takers on this? Did you find any legitimate news agency that gives a **** about skateboarding coverage? But even worse: GOLD MEDAL: Hi Paul, NFL stars such as the new New England Patriots linebacker James Anderson and the New Orleans Saints tight end Benjamin Watson enjoy drinking HYDRIVE Energy Water at the 2014 ESPY awards for a refreshing energy boost on and off the field. With caffeine as a great part of a pre-workout routine, the trend of drinking products that both hydrate and energize, such as HYDRIVE Energy Water, is sweeping the NFL from the Seattle Seahawks to the Denver Broncos. Please see below photos—for more hi-res photos of NFL athletes across all teams enjoying HYDRIVE Energy Water, please visit:  Please let me know if you need any additional information! Paramount Public Relations, Inc.   Yes, this idiot even sent me the photos. They were pictures of NFL players drinking water in a board room. WTF? In what alternate universe could anyone even consider this s*** anything remotely close to being news? Congrats Paramount! Cutty Awards week 2 Cutty Awards week 1 Paul M. Banks owns The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports and Yahoo! He’s been a guest on news talk shows all across the world. He’s also a special contributor to the Chicago Tribune RedEye edition. Banks has been featured in numerous media outlets including NFL.com, Forbes, Bleacher Report, Deadspin, ESPN, NBC, CBS, the History Channel and more. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks) Follow paulmbanks The post Cutty DON’T CARE Award winners: Paramount, Nike, Bucks appeared first on The Sports Bank.Net.
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