Yeah, you heard me. I'll even write those evil words that will send me straight to football fan hell: I DON'T LIKE BRETT FAVRE.

No, I'm not retarded. (Thanks for asking.) I realize the man's an amazing football player, will forever be an NFL legend, and blahblahblah. But you know, for a bunch of "real men", you Favre fans sure do get awfully girly and sappy every time he retires, and that's annoying as hell.

"Oh, they took down his nameplate...waaaaaah!" Boo-f**kin-hoo. Can we please stop using up valuable ESPN airtime for your crying? (I mean, just play the D-Wade T-Mobile commercials, instead - he's funny AND nice to look at.)

But the Biotch hasn't come out of retirement (hypocritical, but whatever) just to talk about you Favre fans being a bunch of sissies. I'm back to celebrate his kinda, sorta official gone-ness by explaining to you just why my man Aaron Rodgers isn't some guy who has to try to fill his shoes. He's better.

8 (in honor of Aaron's college number) reasons why Brett can't compare to his replacement:

1. AR-uhn RAW-gers. Pronunciation is easily deduced from the written version of his name.

2. Cal = better than Southern Miss. In every way. It's just a fact. (Example below.)


VS.



3. 24th overall pick (vs. 33rd overall)

4. Favre: missing 30 ft. of intestine due to being a crappy driver; Rodgers: all intestines intact

5. In 2007, Rodgers completed 20 of 28 pass attempts (71.4%). That year, Favre only completed 66.5% of his attempts. In case you go to Southern Miss. and aren't taking Math for People from the South 118 until next year, that means that Rodgers is better.

6. Despite being 14 years younger, Rodgers is much more capable of growing facial hair (and not making fruity hand gestures):



7. Favre can beat a stupid pill addiction. Rodgers can beat stupid USC.

8.