Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/20/14
In a move that I'm sure shocked his male roommate, it appears Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has recently been engaged to random blonde "woman," Destiny Newton. Speculation on this topic has run rampant after Rodgers and Newton were seen watching Aaron's younger brother, Jordan Rodgers, help Vanderbilt pull out a win against Kentucky this last weekend, 27-26. Wow! SEC football at it's finest! You can tell this is probably legit because of the shiny looking object that is on the lady's ring finger in the above photo, a finger where rings usually go when women become engaged to men, not when men become engaged to men. AND THANK GOD TOO, because we were all starting to wonder whether Aaron Rodgers really DID enjoy letting other men party in his man cave. SPOILER ALERT! He probably still does. The woman in question, this "Destiny Newton," sure sounds like a stripper and looks like a woman, yet no one is certain. "She" wears a convincing pair of breasts (as you can see in the above photo), but it's almost impossible to tell if she maybe has a horrible case of hemorrhoids taped to the back of her panties like Lois Einhorn. However, we can get a closer inspection to possibly see if that's true, and ... No, nope, still can't give you an answer. What I DO know is that those tramp stamps are going to make her TOTALLY the hottest mom of all the quarterbacks. Samantha Steele and Kristin Cavallari ain't got **** on that! Newton is going to be the trampiest, stripper-iest named quarterback mom this side of Deanna Favre, assuming of course that she is in fact a woman. Because the evidence that Rodgers likes white stuff on his face is pretty convincing otherwise. [follow]
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