Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/18/14
Seattle_seahawks_v_6aab


In a conversation that must have felt totally natural and heterosexual to him, Aaron Rodgers went on a Canadian podcast this last week called "Cabbie Presents: Softcore Gay Porn Talk The Podcast" and just talked about how much he loves dude's butts. Well, at least dude's butts that belong to his former and current centers. No joke:

"There's two main components that a center needs to have, and it's not quickness or agility or snapping or anything," Rodgers said. "It's two things: One, he has to have a good height, and I'm talking about where his butt rests. It can't be too low because I don't wanna get deep in that stance and it can't be too high so I feel like I'm standing up. It's gotta be just right. [Jeff Saturday has] got that. ... Scott Wells, my previous center [and] Jeff Saturday — great height. Great butt height.
Yes, I love having a nice butt sit at just the right height. It's perfect for a person to slide right in behind it, softly place your hands beneath the cheeks, not feel like your squatting over a toilet seat that's been peed on, but not so high that your legs are locked like you're standing nervously at a wedding. Nice butt, lofty butt. Good girth, probably, too. That's fantastic. "Butt" that's not all:


On the SECOND most important thing about a center's butt, he had this to say:

And the second is most important, and that's sweating. How much do they sweat? The worst thing that you can have is third, fourth quarter on a October day where it's 65, 70 degrees and he's sweating through his pants. Because that is not a situation you wanna be in."

Rodgers says centers can prevent such problems by changing their pants at halftime, something Packers backup center Evan Dietrich-Smith has apparently had to do:

"He has major sweat issues," Rodgers told Cabbie. "And when you get that ball snapped up and there's a lot of sweat that just splashes all over you and on your hands and the ball — it's not a good situation. So he actually has changed at halftime before. So those are the two things you look for: butt height and sweating. Jeff's doing really well in both categories. ... Low sweat ratio and solid butt height."

Can I make a t-shirt out of that? It's not copywritten or anything, is it? "Aaron Rodgers looking for in a man: Low sweat ratio, solid butt height." Would sell like hot pants.

Also, re-read these quotes and tell me you're mind isn't going straight to the *******. Sweat splashing all over your hands and balls? Changing of pants? Major sweat issues? Yes, it's TOTALLY not a situation you want to be in Rodgers. You convinced me!

Yet that's just the thing. Is Rodgers reverse trolling everyone? Is he really gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and he just hyper-homosexualizes his conversations to make everyone wonder about it and then plays it off like, "Ha, tricked you bro, you're gay for thinking so much about it. I've just been slaying babes that look like Clay Matthews for years, not dudes!" Supreme quarterbacking and trolling talent, truly.


Of course, him also dropping these lines in the interview doesn't help much either:

When asked who his entourage would include if he were a boxer: "I don't know if I can give you any names, but it'd have to be just two big, humongously buff black dudes," he said, laughing. "And then three or four good-looking chicks. ... We gotta put the ladies out front, and the two big black dudes on either side of me as my, like, security. But they'd be like famous dudes or just super buff."
"OH, DEFINITELY BLACK DUDES, HUGE ONES OF COURSE and I guess some ladies, totally can't forget about them, I guess."

Still, he's a good ******* quarterback. I'd take him on our team, but I don't think he'd like it. I'm afraid John Sullivan has to low of a butt height. God damn hobbit.

[follow]
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Bill Walton has some words of advice for Derrick Rose

Five under-the-radar National Player of the Year candidates

Report: NFL to appeal Adrian Peterson ruling

Dez Bryant's mother in 2012: Dez threatened to knock me out

Full offseason breakdown for all 32 NFL teams

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Brandon Bostick received death threats after botched play

Report: Judge rules against Adrian Peterson suspension

Ex-Louisville player charged with rape, sodomy

Hank Aaron 'rooting' for Alex Rodriguez to succeed in return

WATCH: Kevin Garnett welcomed home by Minnesota

Vandy PG has strong words for rival Tennessee

Russell Westbrook is surging into the MVP conversation

HBO picks up Dwayne Johnson’s pro football series, ‘Ballers’

The key offseason moves for every MLB team

Giancarlo Stanton gets first-ever customized facemask

Ronda Rousey, Arianny Celeste have verbal sparring match

Dallas sportscaster back with another powerful essay

The many parallels of Derrick Rose and Penny Hardaway

Ex-homeless Baylor RB admits he broke rules

Why the Lions should let Ndamukong Suh walk

Schilling goes after guys on Twitter for hitting on daughter

Brad Stevens comments on Rondo benching

Gronk tweets he does not have a girlfriend despite rumor

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Russell Westbrook is surging into the MVP conversation

Five-round NFL Mock Draft

Key offseason moves for every MLB team

Bostick received death threats after botched play

Rousey, Arianny Celeste get into it

Dallas sportscaster back with another powerful essay

The parallels of Rose and Hardaway

Offseason breakdown for all 32 NFL teams

On Josh Hamilton's addiction and feeling alone

Judge rules against AP's suspension

Why the Lions should let Suh walk

Chris Jones charged with rape, sodomy

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.