Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 10/25/14
Seattle_seahawks_v_6aab


In a conversation that must have felt totally natural and heterosexual to him, Aaron Rodgers went on a Canadian podcast this last week called "Cabbie Presents: Softcore Gay Porn Talk The Podcast" and just talked about how much he loves dude's butts. Well, at least dude's butts that belong to his former and current centers. No joke:

"There's two main components that a center needs to have, and it's not quickness or agility or snapping or anything," Rodgers said. "It's two things: One, he has to have a good height, and I'm talking about where his butt rests. It can't be too low because I don't wanna get deep in that stance and it can't be too high so I feel like I'm standing up. It's gotta be just right. [Jeff Saturday has] got that. ... Scott Wells, my previous center [and] Jeff Saturday — great height. Great butt height.
Yes, I love having a nice butt sit at just the right height. It's perfect for a person to slide right in behind it, softly place your hands beneath the cheeks, not feel like your squatting over a toilet seat that's been peed on, but not so high that your legs are locked like you're standing nervously at a wedding. Nice butt, lofty butt. Good girth, probably, too. That's fantastic. "Butt" that's not all:


On the SECOND most important thing about a center's butt, he had this to say:

And the second is most important, and that's sweating. How much do they sweat? The worst thing that you can have is third, fourth quarter on a October day where it's 65, 70 degrees and he's sweating through his pants. Because that is not a situation you wanna be in."

Rodgers says centers can prevent such problems by changing their pants at halftime, something Packers backup center Evan Dietrich-Smith has apparently had to do:

"He has major sweat issues," Rodgers told Cabbie. "And when you get that ball snapped up and there's a lot of sweat that just splashes all over you and on your hands and the ball — it's not a good situation. So he actually has changed at halftime before. So those are the two things you look for: butt height and sweating. Jeff's doing really well in both categories. ... Low sweat ratio and solid butt height."

Can I make a t-shirt out of that? It's not copywritten or anything, is it? "Aaron Rodgers looking for in a man: Low sweat ratio, solid butt height." Would sell like hot pants.

Also, re-read these quotes and tell me you're mind isn't going straight to the *******. Sweat splashing all over your hands and balls? Changing of pants? Major sweat issues? Yes, it's TOTALLY not a situation you want to be in Rodgers. You convinced me!

Yet that's just the thing. Is Rodgers reverse trolling everyone? Is he really gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and he just hyper-homosexualizes his conversations to make everyone wonder about it and then plays it off like, "Ha, tricked you bro, you're gay for thinking so much about it. I've just been slaying babes that look like Clay Matthews for years, not dudes!" Supreme quarterbacking and trolling talent, truly.


Of course, him also dropping these lines in the interview doesn't help much either:

When asked who his entourage would include if he were a boxer: "I don't know if I can give you any names, but it'd have to be just two big, humongously buff black dudes," he said, laughing. "And then three or four good-looking chicks. ... We gotta put the ladies out front, and the two big black dudes on either side of me as my, like, security. But they'd be like famous dudes or just super buff."
"OH, DEFINITELY BLACK DUDES, HUGE ONES OF COURSE and I guess some ladies, totally can't forget about them, I guess."

Still, he's a good ******* quarterback. I'd take him on our team, but I don't think he'd like it. I'm afraid John Sullivan has to low of a butt height. God damn hobbit.

[follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Agent: Joe Maddon prepared to sit out season if need be

Report: Chandler Jones could miss rest of season

Report: Army football enticed recruits with alcohol, women

Report: Kobe viewed Dwight Howard's departure as 'positive'

Lions suspend CJ Mosley, send him home from London

Federal judge blocks New Jersey sports betting law

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Bucs sign Gerald McCoy to seven-year extension

Tim Tebow lectures Florida fans about booing

Report: Shonn Greene arrested after parking in handicap spot

Report: Joe Maddon wants a very hefty salary

Memorabilia dealer at center of Todd Gurley scandal fired

Colt McCoy on learning he was starting ‘it’s about f—ing time’

WATCH: Kentucky DB Blake McClain lays out Miss. St. WR

WATCH: Dwyane Wade videobombs himself

GRAPHIC: Cam Atkinson shows how close he was to losing eye

WATCH: 350-pound Arkansas lineman throws TD pass

Penn State fans blew air horns outside Ohio State's hotel?

WATCH: Oregon's Charles Nelson has impressive punt return TD

WATCH: American flag rips during Game 3 national anthem

WATCH: Tony Parker draws foul by simply yelling 'hey'

Video: Tom Izzo takes the stage with KISS on Midnight Madness

Eight NFL records that won’t be broken for a long time

Big trouble for Bruins: Chara out 4-6 weeks, possibly more

Blazers, Seahawks owner Paul Allen gives $100M to fight ebola

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Report: Army enticed recruits with alcohol, women

Penn State fans blew air horn at Ohio State players' hotel?

Tim Tebow lectures Florida fans

Trouble for Bruins: Chara out 4-6 weeks

Joe Maddon opts out of contract with Rays

NBA Replay Center debuts next week

World Series win = Giants dynasty?

Reliving the worst college football game of the last 10 years

NFL teams facing must-win scenarios in Week 8

What the return of Luis Suarez means for Barcelona

Programs with a lot on the line this week

Wilson denies rumored Harvin rift

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.