Another Instance Where Reality Is Far Less Funny Than Imagination

Tom Brady fell out of his Kayak into the Charles River, which is now the BEST RIVAH EVAH, according to Tawmmy from Quinzee. The river is now also pregnant with Brady's third child, and both father and river are excited about the prospect of raising a child together. Brady was unhurt in the tumble out of the canoe. In fact, despite the bragging, Brady was in nothing close to danger at any point. "It was more embarrassment than real danger," the insider said. Just like Super Bowl XLII ba-ZANG!!! Everyone benefits. I suppose some guy is undoubtedly walking around Boston demanding free drinks and introducing himself as "The guy who saved Tom Friggin' Brady." The story pales in comparison to how a kayak accident involving Tom Brady could have happened in a perfect world. You know it's fake because Peyton Manning moves sideways in the video, something he cannot do in the real world. (His shuttle run time is listed as "no.")