Are the Chiefs In Good Shape? Literally, Yes.

Last year was embarrasing - for lots of reasons. A 2-14 record. Larry Johson trying to fight half the female population in Westport. A half-empty Arrowhead. An NFL record for lowest sack total by a team with 10. Marques Hagans taking snaps at quarterback. Yeah, there was a lot to be ashamed of if you support the Kansas City good guys. However, was was most embarrasing for me was that instead of 2-14, this team could've been a lot better. They had a chance in New England (where the diabolical plan to steal the Patriots' GM, backup QB and starting LB was put into fruition with Bernard Pollard's CLEAN hit on Tom Brady). The Jets game when the team folded down the stretch. Tampa Bay. San Diego. That damn Miami game. Yeah - the team could've been 6-10, maybe 7-9 last year. Still not great, but better to be improving than a laughinstock. That's what we have the Oakland Raiders for. But what was the common theme during last year's meltdowns? We had a lead, lost it, and couldn't come back. That comes down to one thing - conditioning. It's been said that Herm Edwards was a player's coach (read: he's a pushover when it comes to practicing). That showed on the field when the team couldn't stop anyone in the second half, or couldn't get the push they needed to get one yard to convert a 4th-and-1 to kill the clock. Now word comes that new coach Todd Haley is pushing the team to be in better shape. I'm not sure if it's a sure-fire reason to believe this team will be better in 2009, but at least Haley and company are trying something different. I would rather take that than the same old status quo of "just make the playoffs so we can raise ticket prices" schtick we've been getting the last 20+ years. Personally, I'm hoping that Branden Albert starts sneaking food into the locker room after practice - maybe we can have a Chiefs' version of this exchange, with Haley playing the part of Gunnery Seargent Hartman, and Albert as Private Gomer Pyle: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f&#@ is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle! Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle? Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry... [turns and addresses rest of platoon] Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people, have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fu#*#@ up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES! [rest of recruits get in front-leaning-rest position, Hartman turns to Pyle] Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Open your mouth! [shoves jelly doughnut into PYLE's mouth] Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: They're payin' for it; YOU eat it! Ready! Exercise! (Can you see Brian Waters doing pushups because Albert snuck in a Chalupa from Taco Bell? Albert would be beaten with bars of soap wrapped in towels before the sun went down that day.) So - kudos to Haley and his staff for finally holding the Chiefs accountable for their pathetic performance last year. It's like they're in high school again - if you mess up, you run laps as punishment. Maybe getting back to basics is precisely what this team needs.