Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 10/21/14
After decades of searching, which has included wives' tales, shaky video camera footage, tall tales, and television shows, the elusive Big Foot has finally been captured to film. And to no one's surprise, this monstrosity of a mammal, this hideous beast, this frightening bogeyman, is naturally a Packers fan. At the recent Vikings and Packers game at Lambeau Field in the Northern Woods of Wisconsin, America's most forgotten state, the fabled creature was finally captured to film more or less by accident. Two Minnesota Vikings fans in attendance at this decrepit center of society were taking still images on their mobile photography device when the incident occurred. Smiling normally like a regular human being would do when enjoying themselves an not worrying about the slough of the Earth appearing behind them, the bulbous and awfully smelling beast rose like the undead behind them just as their camera was to flash. In a move that likely saved their life, the Vikings couple took the picture just as the hairy creature was reaching over them to point out their next human meal. Being of low intelligence and uncoordinated, we have now learned that the Big Foot animal does not know how to identify objects by pointing at them with their index finger, as seen in the image. Instead, the savages ungainly hand is seen attempting to thrust up behind the female Vikings fans' head, when it was stopped cold in it's massive clubbed foot tracks as the camera's flash went off in it's beady eyes and pig nosed face. The creature was apparently frightened and scattered from the scene. The Vikings fans noticed that the Gollum had been there only seconds before as they turned the camera around to observe the quality of their self taken photo, but as illumination slowly dawned on them as to what was behind them mere seconds ago, the evidence just as quickly vanished. They looked all around them to try and find where this Big Foot had rumbled off to, but everywhere they looked they found similarly disgusting looking creatures softly gumming their jaws and wheezing ragged breaths of death from their open mouths. The large lumberer from the picture was nowhere to be seen though. And while that meant that meant for the moment they were safe from the Big Foot, the Vikings fans in the photo realized something far worse ... At that moment, they had never been more in danger in their life, as they were surrounded by Packer fans. Understandably, they left before they could gather more evidence of the Big Foot. Regardless, to this day they have now produced the clearest image detailing that this wild ogre does, in fact, exist. [follow]
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