Originally written May 09, 2013 on Purple Jesus Diaries:
This is an article about unaffiliated NFL punter Chris Kluwe. He's not technically a member of the Minnesota Vikings any longer, but lick my short shaft, people, because this is now a Chris Kluwe blog whenever I want it to be, so shut your damn mouth. No one complains when we write a bunch of crap about Randy Moss even though he was a 49er, so what's your problem. Anyway, Tuesday night Chris Kluwe and his band Tripping Icarus played an impromptu music set at Cause nightclub in Uptown, and these are some highlights from said event: Full disclosure, I wasn't in attendance. Honestly, I'm feeling so old these days that I can't go outside of the house past 8:00 PM. Kluwe didn't get on stage until 10:00 PM. For a man with a bad back like me, that's a ridiculous no-no. However, other people - like Jim Walsh from MinnPost - were in attendance and can help us recap what happened Tuesday night as Minnesota said goodbye to their favorite gay loving poster child. From Walsh's article: Tuesday’s Cause audience bore little resemblance to a typical NFL crowd, with mohawks, leather and tattoos outnumbering Vikings regalia by a wide margin. “I’ve always been kind of a free spirit,” said Kluwe, when asked if his status in the local music community emboldened him to speak out in favor of gay marriage in a way that’s not exactly encouraged by the NFL. “I’ve always kind of done what I want. I like being me. And with music, that’s an expression of yourself. You create a song, and then you play it, and being in front of people doing that is amazing.” Hey, Chris, I like you being you, too. Don't ever change. After the show (at some point after ... Tuesday night, Wednesday night, I don't know), the Tripping Icarus crew also went out to Se7en in downtown Minneapolis and ate a literal boat-load of sushi. It was a small boat, but still. It was a farewell dinner of sorts (A Last Supper? Don't invite Peterson! We saw what happened last time), and included in that dinner were a couple of menu surprises: Haha, Blair Walsh sucks. He's short too, which is also funny. But in fairness, a stone cold killer with his golden leg. But don't assume that was it! Kluwe also got an article from the Onion written about him this week, titled "Chris Kluwe Pens Impassioned Editorial On Challenges Facing Cut NFL Punters." It's a good read, including lines like: “Speaking as a punter who has recently been released by the Vikings, I can tell you that discrimination against our kind is alive and well in this fickle league, and we need to put a stop to it right ******* now,” Just fake Kluwe being fake Kluwe. The best part? The real Kluwe is even better, who wrote a fake article on himself being cut by a real NFL team in response to the fake article that was written about him being cut from a real NFL team. Following? It's like a double reverse going on right now. The best line out of that fake article? "How dare you snot-felching *********** ignore my desperate cries for attention," Kluwe wrote, while smashing together multiple run on sentences about the plight of the not at all endangered American prairie dog. "I swear to raptor Jesus, if my name isn't somewhere in the media or on the front page of Reddit in three ******* seconds, I'm going to light your mother's nipple hairs on fire with her own explosive flatulence." "Snot-felching ***********"? I think your work here is done, Mr. Kluwe. Thank you for your service. Additional images via [follow]
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