Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 10/14/14
A5
Here's a futile exercise: Try to name something that Chris Kluwe sucks at doing. Besides tackling, I guess. And maybe throwing a football in a forward motion. And possibly his vertical leap. Then probably some other stuff, but I'm talking like COOL stuff. Name one COOL thing he can't do, like dance or kick **** for charity. You can't name anything, because that's ALL HE DOES. As he showed when Chris Kluwe was on The Ellen Show last Friday. True story. I got home and turned the TV on earlier on Friday afternoon. The Ellen Show is on something like 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM or something here, I think. The station that's it's on (I'm really doing my research here) is one that my wife will usually watch for news in the morning, so when I get home from work, it's the first thing that will pop up. So here I go, flipping on the TV and BOOM! Chris Kluwe is chatting with a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it was just an unexpected development in my afternoon routine, and then it got REALLY COOL. First, Kluwe came out dancing on the show, as guests are want to do for Ellen. Obama probably danced the best, and Kluwe sure tried valiantly, but I'm willing to guess he can cast spells better than he can bust a move. Unless it's Gangnam Style, or busting moves with Brian Robison, obviously. But here he is, slithering his way across the floor to chat with Ellen: I think there was a butt showing, an Irish jig, and then some roof raising going on. I have no idea why all those things happened at once, but they did. Then Kluwe was shown a picture that Ellen apparently has framed for her Hall of Fame of Kluwe kicking a ball. Let's forget the fact that Ellen has her two fingers curiously close to the Photo Kluwe's rectum, and instead admire Kluwe's mimicry of the photo, which isn't good: At least he's been practicing this off-season! In the end, Kluwe also kicked a football through a hoop that was really high up, and got $10,000 for charity. That's a lot of money, and likely more than Donovan McNabb paid for his jersey number: video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player Anyway, enjoy the videos. Here's Kluwe's actually interview with Ellen as well: Big thanks to @Qommie for the GIF captures. [follow]
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