Originally posted on Rumors and Rants  |  Last updated 8/3/12

It makes sense that Jimmy Haslam is the new owner of the Cleveland Browns. Haslam made his fortune in truck stops, so he’s already accustomed to everyone crapping all over his product.

The price Haslam paid for the Browns was a little more eye-opening.

According to ESPN, Haslam is plunking down more than $1 billion for the most bumbling, incompetent and generally slap-assed franchise in the NFL. (And this is coming from someone who considers Bernie Kosar to be one of his 10 favorite all-time quarterbacks.) The Browns have only made the playoffs once since returning to Cleveland in 1999, and are just one of four teams to never reach the Super Bowl.

One thing’s for sure: I don’t want Randy Lerner running my football team, but I sure would love to have him closing a sale on anything I own. If the Browns are worth $1 billion, every other franchise in the NFL must be valuable enough to pay off the national debt.

Then again, maybe the trick isn’t Lerner selling so much as Haslam buying. If he’s willing to pay that much for the Browns, we got to thinking about some other things that he might consider to be a bargain.

- Taco Bell Doritos Loco Taco: $5

- “Son-In-Law” on copied VHS: $35

- One USPS “Forever” Stamp: $40

- LeBron James replica Cavaliers jersey: $200

- Wooly Willy: $300

- 1988 Topps Junior Noboa baseball card: $500

- Commodore 64 computer: $800

- Ronco Showtime Rotisseire Roaster: $1,000

- Autographed Tim Couch jersey: $4,000

- Front-row seat to Michael Richards stand-up comedy show: $15,000

- 1977 Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon: $25,000

- Luxury five-day, four-night cruise from Cleveland to Erie, Pa.: $48,000

- Stick of gum chewed by “Night Court” co-star Richard Moll: $120,000

- 500 shares of Polaroid stock: $500,000

- Three backstage passes to Nickelback concert: $900,000

- Dinner with actor John Leguizamo: $3 million

- Private dunking lessons from Brian Scalabrine: $5 million

- Four-year contract for JaMarcus Russell: $75 million

- Rights to the song “Who Let The Dogs Out“: $500 million

Photo: NFL.com

MORE FROM YARDBARKER

NBPA executive director drops mic on Laura Ingraham

Vikings expected to be in the mix for AJ McCarron

Paul George wants free agency destination to be his last team

Andy Kennedy steps down as Ole Miss HC, effective immediately

WATCH: First crash at Daytona 500 takes out multiple cars

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Manziel has message to those fighting bipolar disorder

Watch: Peyton Manning drives pace car at Daytona 500

Report: Kirk Cousins will file grievance if Redskins tag him

‘No indication’ Royals are trying to re-sign Mike Moustakas

NHL releases statement about racial comments by fans

Report: Browns may bring back Terrelle Pryor

Sports & Politics Intersect: NBA united against racial divide

10 takeaways from the first week of 2018 Winter Olympics

10 NFL offseason moves that need to happen

The 'Emerald City on ice' quiz

NHL Weekender: Blackhawks, Rangers continue to free fall

Big surprises, disappointments heading into NBA All-Star break

Signing A.J. McCarron would be a typical Browns move

Dario Saric thriving in shadows of Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons

MLB's top 10 starting pitchers for 2018

MLB's top 10 catchers for 2018

Flyers reverse course behind a balanced attack

The greatest barrier-breaking African-American moments in MLB history

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Sports & Politics Intersect: NBA united against racial divide

The 'Emerald City on ice' quiz

NHL Weekender: Blackhawks, Rangers continue to free fall

The 'Hope springs eternal' quiz

Dario Saric thriving in shadows of Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons

MLB's top 10 starting pitchers for 2018

MLB's top 10 catchers for 2018

The 'My Bronny valentine' quiz

Flyers reverse course behind a balanced attack

The '100-point game that you never heard about' quiz

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker