Defending the Sports Fan

I have recently been thrust into the unenviable position of having an in-law move in with my wife and me. A brief respite from the despair is the fact that it is the father-in-law, not the dreaded monster-in-law. However, from the sports-viewing perspective, the household has taken a hit. While my wife was always tolerable of me watching various things from football to futbol, she now has an anti-sports ally in her father. This is man who lived in northern Wisconsin for years (specifically the bulk of the 90's) and was not a Green Bay Packers fan! I repeat: He lived 30 minutes from Lambeau Field while Brett Favre was playing and DID NOT CARE about the Packers, football or sports in general. So… now when I find myself channel surfing and catching a clip of Sportscenter, or maybe a playoff game, I get double-teamed. So why are we (and by we I mean the collective sports fan nation) so interested in sports? What makes us different from the Wisconsin natives who are indifferent to anything having to do with sports? The only thing I can come up with is growing up without participating in any sports. Athletes, male and female, become ingrained with a love sports that never goes away. When we can't play anymore, we watch. Sports are the last true source of completely unscripted reality television. This thought occurred to me while my wife was forcing me to watch The Hills (all while complaining about how scripted the MTV "reality" show has become) or some cooking show. We all know how these things will end. Heidi and Spencer will get back together and Rachael Ray will always pull a delicious and fully cooked Turkey out of the oven only seconds after she puts the raw turkey in. If just once, Giada tasted her soup, grimaced at the camera and shouted, "This tastes like shit!" I'd be hooked. It's the same principle as watching a Mike Tyson fight just to see if he bites someone's leg off. So, for those of you who find yourself having to constantly defend yourself and your sports viewing habits, here is a list of sport specific argument to store in your memory for the next time your wife (and maybe an in-law) start complaining. MLB: The D-Rays and D-Backs are up and the Yankees are a mess. How could I miss one minute of the Yankees missing the playoffs for the first time in 13 years in the final season at the House that Ruth built? Besides, its America's past time. NBA: I don't want to miss the next thing David Stern is going to do to screw the league and blow any momentum the league was gaining (2007: Suns players suspended in playoffs for not getting off the bench and not doing anything. 2008: How many games are scheduled for this weekend? ONE) Just pray for the Spurs and Pistons to not make the finals or even your wife will know it isn't worth watching. At no point should you watch any regular season game. They don't matter much and the players reflect that. NFL: It's football. Enough said. NHL: Hockey is by far the most difficult sport to play, there is nothing more intense than overtime during the playoffs in hockey and players are given weapons before they go out on the ice. Again, watch the regular season at your own risk. Softball: The last sport in which USA is truly dominant. The world has caught up in basketball. It's unpatriotic to not watch softball. Little League World Series: Every guy wants to be the guy who sees a guy in the majors and say, "I called this when I saw him play for New Jersey way back in the LLWS." Soccer: The whole world outside of the US can't be wrong. If all else fails, tell her your boss is British and a huge Man U fan. Please feel free to add any more arguments to the list… for the good of men everywhere!