Everyone is Super Proud of Erasmus James

After a stellar career as a professional NFL football player for two separate teams, the Minnesota Vikings who drafted him 18th overall in the 2005 draft and the Washington Redskins who will trade for snipped foreskin, Erasmus James is making headlines again. Yesterday it was announced that James proudly took responsibility for certain actions he was involved in last November and plead guilty to battery charges. Battery charges … like he helped someone jump their car? Maybe put a AA battery to his tongue to test the charge before someone used it in a child monitoring device? Maybe found an old car battery for Tony Stark to use? … Oh, wait, no, battery charges like he punched one of his friends in the face because someone wouldn’t serve him alcohol in Madison after bar close. Bravo, Erasmus, bravo. When asked for comment, his mother said “she was shocked and appalled” that the bars closed in Madison so early. “I know my baby likes to drink late into the night, and Madison should be...