For ****'s sake, can I catch a break???

My fantasy team is ******* good. That's evident by all the points I score every week.

My fantasy team is unlucky. That's evident by my 4-7 record and four-straight losses.

The last three weeks:

Week 9: Lose by LESS THAN A ******* POINT!!
Week 10: Score nearly 90 points. Lose.
Week 11: Score over 80 points. Lose.

I am No. 3 in points in my league yet in seventh place. That sucks. Maybe that time I burned ants with a magnifying glass is finally coming back to haunt me.

**** this. Fantasy football is supposed to be fun. This isn't fun. Losing is not fun. Having Brandon Jacobs on your team is not fun.

And ******* Ricky Williams! Dude scores three TDs in a game for only the second time since 2000!

Meanwhile, our previous league leader is 8-3 and second to last in points. He must donate to UNICEF and sing at retirement homes.