Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/20/14
Vikings_vs_seahawks_141d
Hey there, randy readers. Thanks for stopping by to get your shaft wet this Valentine's Day. If you purposefully choose to visit Purple Jesus Diaries today because you knew you had to perform later tonight and needed your mojo in high order for the midnight hour, well ... You're in luck. We're bringing out the anal beads for this special occasion, and are glad you stopped by. Today's theme is simple: Hop on to a recent Twitter hashtag meme (#CandyHeartRejects) and turn it around to some Minnesota Vikings player fun. While 4 year old Percy Harvin and I certainly wish you a happy Valentine's Day today, we also want to remind you that it's not all romance and roses. Don't forget to pull some hair, bite a nipple, lick a butthole, all the usual stuff. Show someone you REALLY love them, you know? By zip tying her wrists together. Anyway, let's have some fun today and talk about dirty stuff. Join us in the comments with your ideas about rejected candy hearts from Vikings players, and we'll get you started with some of our own here, after the jump: For the purpose of this exercise, we present to you TOTALLY REAL (*fake) submissions to the Candy Heart Company (is that an LLC?) that were made by Vikings players who were hoping to do something unique for their Valentine. As you can see, all of these were rejected, but that doesn't mean some of them weren't smart as hell. If we missed any, let us know in the comments: Adrian Peterson: IMMACULATE CONCEPTION? Percy Harvin: UR SMOKIN' Toby Gerhart: DO SEX NOW? Christian Ponder: TAKE IT OFF Chris Cook: DON'T MAKE ME Harrison Smith: BUMPIN UGLIES Leslie Frazier: MISSIONARY AUDIBLE Jared Allen: INTO BONDAGE Everson Griffen: LETS GET MAGICAL Chad Greenway: WHITE SEX Mistral Raymond: FOAM PARTY? Bill Musgrave: FOURTH & LONG Blair Walsh: LITTLE BIG 3RD LEG Chris Kluwe: CROTCH PUNTS VIKTOR the VIKING: Ragnar: HOBO NUZZLES Zygi: A SINGLE ROSE Brett Favre: DICK PICS? John David Booty: U GET ME HIGH Let us know if we missed any in the comments. Have a great day, folks. Pleasure yourself, or pleasure someone else, or do both at the same time. Let's win this day. Now I leave you with a reminder that I'm going to hell: Happy Valentine's Day! [follow]
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

RG3 on Patriots: 'They operate like a high school football team'

AUDIO: Reds skipper Bryan Price drops 77 f-bombs in rant

Monty Williams: Warriors home crowd noise 'out of hand'

LT thinks Philip Rivers won’t play for Chargers in 2015

Report: Kevin Ollie 'seriously considered' for Thunder job

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Floyd Mayweather: I'm a better fighter than Muhammad Ali

Video emerges of Warren Sapp talking about prostitute arrest

Chip Kelly in 2011: Tim Tebow is not our team's QB type

NBA commissioner: Sports gambling is 'good for business'

RG3 'wouldn't be bummed' if Redskins don't pick up option

Adrian Peterson would be the death of the Cowboys

Cubs will reportedly call up prospect Addison Russell

Brewers' Scooter Gennett shares photo of nasty shower injury

WATCH: Fan at Pirates game hit by foul ball through netting

Hall of Famer Jim Palmer blasts David Ortiz over ejection

WATCH: President Obama leads 'O-H-I-O' chant

Fred Hoiberg shares video of him walking after heart surgery

DeAndre Jordan geeks out at Batman Exhibit

Philly welcomes Tim Tebow with 'tebowing' pretzel

Marshall Henderson trolls Erin Andrews over Stoll arrest

Steve Ballmer turned Lakers locker room into owner's lounge

Alex Rodriguez: Heir to the Empire

The Tim Tebow lottery ticket

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Mayweather: I'm better than Ali

WATCH: Sapp talks prostitute arrest

Jim Palmer blasts David Ortiz

Wayne Taylor Racing No. 10 car wins at Long Beach

Pat Riley takes shot at LeBron?

Philly welcomes Tim Tebow with 'tebowing' pretzel

Stop the Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady debate

Alex Rodriguez: Heir to the Empire

The Tim Tebow lottery ticket

If Tony Parker's not right, it's going to go wrong for Spurs

So the Mets might be contenders

Why Billy Donovan won't go to Oklahoma City

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.