Not here, but I am assuming you are currently working on that in your own home. Or, if you're lucky and a drunk, you have already poured your finest single malt scotch and are waiting for the Lions to come on TV so that they can lose and finally get booted from this NFC North division "race." You see, I put race in quotes because it's not really a race to see who will win the division, it is more so just a slow bleeding. We're not going to do it. And by we, I mean the Vikings. But I won't either, because I don't play football.
Whatever. We are here to eat **** and get drunk, because I'm pretty sure that's what Thanksgiving is all about. I already got a stiff salami thinking of the dark meat turkey (don't be a *****, eat that dark meat!), stuffing, green beans with the fried onions on top, GOD DAMN SWEET POTATOES with marshmallows, cranberry dressing, ass-loads of gravy, apple cider, pumpkin pie, side dishes and DRUNK. I bought a bottle of Bunnahabhain 12 Year again to drink. I love that ****. Hopefully you also got something good.
Anyway, once the food's done, let's all take this moment to remember what we are thankful for. I'll get us started with our 2012 list after the jump, and certainly feel free to chime in. Purple Jesus? Yup, he's on there.
In 2012, Purple Jesus Diaries and pretty much all Minnesota Vikings fans are thankful for:
- A healthy Purple Jesus, aka, Adrian Peterson. Because honestly, I never thought he would return to this level in the rest of his career, let alone this season. Simply amazing.
- Percy Harvin, since he's technically the only wide receiver on the roster.
- Jerome Simpson, because while he's not the ONLY weed dealer on the roster, he's the one with the greatest connections, since Percy's been going all legit and everything.
- Christian Ponder, not for being a decent quarterback or anything, since he isn't really, but more so because he likes to take his shirt off, look all sexy, and bring in the page views for this blog. LOVE YOU, PONDER!
- Samantha Steele, because she does much the same too. And she's pretty to look at.
- Antoine Winfield for never growing old.
- Chris Kluwe for having a potty mouth and generally being nice to fans who aren't morons, including that one time he retweeted a Tweet I left which got me page views.
- Brad Childress, for allowing himself to be fired and not coach this team anymore, although I'm still on the fence with whether Leslie Frazier is really any better or not.
- Brett Favre, for not showing everyone his dick for, like, a day.
- The news that the Minnesota Vikings are going to maybe be getting new uniforms, because god dammit I hate these clown outfits right now.
- Harrison Smith, for not being a ***** and knowing that he can crack heads of NFC North opponents and tackle people to prevent points.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.
On a more serious note, we do want to say thank you to all the readers that have come along. I'll admit that there's only one guy that runs this **** show, and some days it's not very easy. Frequently, the Vikings don't do anything where I can make a dick joke about it, so I don't know what to write about. But I make something up, some people stop by and leave a snarky ass comment, and it helps. I appreciate all the people who stop by here and check the daily posts, the people who come here just for the Shirtless Vikings, those who accidentally stumble across us from a disgusting Google search, the Twitter followers (over 1,000?! What is wrong with you people!), Facebook fans, some idiot who bought a t-shirt, the jokers who've been in our fantasy football league several years, and everyone else. I love this ****, and it's because of all of you. Keep it up.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Let's get this win on Sunday.