How Not To Make The Team

In the wee hours (no pun intended) of last Saturday night, two Saints free agent prospects reportedly urinated in public and exposed themselves to two women in the parking lot of an apartment complex in Elmwood. They were subsequently booked by Jefferson Parish authorities on charges of obscenity, public drunkenness and related charges. Apparently, the players did not read or adhere to NFL Handbook Rule 101, which advises against urinating in public, and 101A, which strongly suggests not compounding the situation with lewd conduct if caught in such a compromising position. These disconcerting events had reverberations throughout Who Dat Nation. Would Saints marketers in the front office have to change the beloved slogan, Bless You Boys, into - Boys Will Be Boys? Will the use of Geaux Saints, Geaux still be considered appropriate? Counsel for their defense has a tall order. They will likely contend that some of the evidence has dried up and that if the passers by were male, a complaint likely would not have been made. Defense best not claim the latter, to avoid incurring any wrath from the special interest group WARP (Women Against Random Peeing). The prosecution will likely overwhelm the judge with aggravating circumstances. What will their sentence be? Will community service require them to relieve themselves in a state facility twice a day in the presence of corrections officers to verify that it was done - in a urinal? What happens if they miss? Will they be further penalized for personal foul, or intentional grounding? Let's hope it doesn't degenerate into an analysis of what is and isn't allowed outside the pocket. During the whistle-blowing, hustle bustle of training camp drills this summer, assistant coaches will have to think twice before exhorting the troops with a standard battle cry, "C'mon, let's see what 'ya got!" Such transgressions have not been recalled (or at least reported) by Saints players, thus Biren Ealy and Kolomana Kapanui will go down as having put their own set of footprints, er, stains, on franchise history. There are about 80 bodies on the roster, about 1/3 of which will not be come September, making their slim chances of making the team that much more remote. In fact, they were just cut, effectively having pissed away their opportunities to become Saints.