I am officially looking for employment in the NFL

For most of this season, my friend Steve (we can call him something more catchy, like Esteban) and I have discussed what an absolute mess the Raiders have become. No quarterback, seventy hundred running backs, no wide receivers, no GM, a psychotic coach, one great corner and one great defensive end who came at the expense of a valuable draft pick.

So we decided to start writing a manifesto to send to Raiders owner Al Davis that would convince him to hire us as co-GMs. It's still in the works.

We have excellent credentials. They are as follows:

1. We are both handsome, so it's like having two Theo Epsteins instead of one for the ladies to swoon over.
2. We both know football (Yes, we think the handsome part is more important)
3. Esteban is a lawyer, so he'd be focused on the salary cap and contract structures.
4. I am a PR maven, so I could handle press conferences and media relations.
5. We would each want very cheap three-year, $100,000 contracts that we would honor no matter what happens during the course of the first three years. That's about as low-risk, high-reward as it gets.
6. If Al Davis isn't happy with us after the three years are up, he can fire us. If we win three Super Bowls, he can fire us. If we get to the playoffs just once, he can fire us. No fight or argument from us.
7. We can't be any worse than anything that anyone there has done since the Raiders lost in Super Bowl XXXVII.

We can honestly tell you that of the last 200 or so dumb moves the Raiders have made, the only one we think we would've made too is the drafting of Robert Gallery. We would've made that mistake, if you'd call it that, because if the Raiders took Philip Rivers, do you really think he'd be good right now? Hell, he'd be out of football or on his second team because the Raiders would've screwed him up.

Things we definitely wouldn't have ever done is given nearly $20 million guaranteed to Darrius Heyward-Bey, signed Javon Walker to a big contract, let Charles Woodson go, hired Art Shell, or given up a first-round draft pick for Richard Seymour.

We've discussed what we'd do with certain players if next year is an uncapped year, our 2010 draft strategy, and what we'd do with the coaching staff in a perfect world. I'd share this information with you, but if you're good at something never do it for free. We would include our head coach on all of our decisions, but in the end, we'd have the final say over all roster moves. What the coach does with those players is up to him, but we'd like no interference from Davis or anyone else.

So if Raiders fans want to hire a general manager, why not hire two? We're not retreads, we have a fresh perspective, and we most certainly can't be worse than what's been happening there lately. So please consider putting our mugs on your next billboard, MessageToAl.com. Photoshop some spiked shoulder pads onto us if you can.