If Roger Goodell wanted to erase the stench of the replacement ref fiasco, create a distraction to overshadow his bungling of Bountygate and get back in the good graces of working journalists weary of faux Tebowmania, the commish would cite the 2004 "Playmakers" ruling and cancel the rest of the New York Jets season.
Seriously. Cancel the Jets starting with tonight's "Monday Night Football" clash against the Houston Texans on ESPN. Cancel the Jets because they're a disgrace, a blight on the good name of the NFL, the worst thing to happen to America's pastime since the Worldwide Leader aired 11 dramatic episodes of "Playmakers."
Former commissioner Paul Tagliabue set the precedent. He pressured Disney into killing the Cougars, the fictional professional football squad portrayed in "Playmakers." Tagliabue thought the Cougars were a "gross mischaracterization" of life in the NFL and negatively portrayed the league.
Rex Ryan and the Jets are not gross? They're not gross caricatures who negatively portray life on this planet? The Jets aren't a real-life re-enactment of "Playmakers" worthy of cancellation?
Goodell should cancel tonight's episode of "Playmakers of New York" just to save Jon Gruden from the three hours of mental gymnastics he'll perform trying to pretend Ryan and the Jets aren't an X-rated circus act.
I can't be the only person to notice the Jets went from Super Bowl contenders to Super Bowl pretenders once their head coach transformed publicly from Rex Ryan, son of legendary defensive guru Buddy Ryan, to Sex Ryan, the bastard child of legendary smut kingpin Larry Flynt .
Yep, after playing in back-to-back AFC Championships, the Jets have been an inconsistent .500 club since Deadspin.com unearthed alleged evidence that Rex and his wife spent their free time exploring their foot fetish on the Internet. In fact, since December of 2010 -- when the foot fetish controversy began -- the Jets have played 28 NFL games, including the playoffs, that matter and they've lost half of them.
The Jets have a clown for a coach. It's no coincidence they play like clowns on the field and act like clowns off it.
The starting quarterback, Mark Sanchez, completes a much higher percentage of passes off the field than on it. He's gone from connecting with hot-to-trot teenagers to hooking up with a 37-year-old desperate housewife, Eva Longoria. Yep, off the field, Sanchez spreads the ball to a wide variety of receivers. He keeps his name relevant on Page 6 of the New York tabloids. Just in the past week Longoria publicly denied being pregnant by Sanchez even though no one asked.
Is it worth mentioning that Longoria's ex, Spurs point guard Tony Parker, quarterbacks a far more efficient offense and is less turnover prone than her latest public-relations ploy/boyfriend?
The team's other quarterback, Tim Tebow, remains a cult figure because of his alleged Just Say No bedroom campaign. Now, Tebow was brought to New York to run the wildcat, but the team's new offensive coordinator, Tony Sparano, is utilizing a Just Say No wildcat campaign. The San Francisco 49ers mocked New York's wildcat package by unveiling a superior one in a 34-point mauling.
Goodell should Just Say No to the Jets. Put them out of their misery. Spare the league the embarrassment of such a high-profile dysfunctional team. The Jets are doing far more damage to the NFL's rep than "Playmakers" ever did.
Last year, with a playoff berth on the line in the final regular-season game, receiver Santonio Holmes quit. This year, Holmes hurt his knee on a non-contact injury and intentionally fumbled the ball to the opposition.
The Jets best player, cornerback Darrelle Revis, also hurt his knee on a non-contact injury this season. He tore his ACL. The injury ruined his season and began speculation on his next contract holdout.
As best we know, New York's other cornerback, Antonio Cromartie, hasn't fathered any more illegitimate children this season ... as best we know. New York's top linebacker, Bart Scott, had his most memorable performance this season on ESPN's documentary "Broke." Scott is perfect for the WWE. Ever since he barked "Can't Wait!" he's been far more bark than bite as a football player. Vince McMahon will love Scott. The contact is all fake and the trash talk is scripted in the WWE.
New York's owner, Woody Johnson, is on the record that Mitt Romney's victory in the presidential race is a higher priority than the Jets winning. You know, the Texans might have to pull off a disinterested, bumbling Barack Obama-like debate performance tonight for the Jets to have any chance at winning.
Cancel "Playmakers of New York." Tagliabue would.