John Stansberry: A throwback to crappiness

The powers that be in the NFL are carting out something this season called the AFL Legacy program, with the original AFL franchises wearing throwback uniforms when playing against each other. This reminds me of the vintage uniform craze during the NFL's 75th Anniversary season back in 1994, as well as this throwback eyesore from the Philadelphia Eagles a few years back: Thankfully, uniform design has come a long way since the Eagle franchise came up with that train wreck back in 1933. However, I wonder if Eagles fans would be as unruly as they are today if their team still wore those awful powder blue and yellow jerseys. Somehow, that combo is strangely soothing... This AFL Legacy program is almost Frankensteinian (is that even a word?) in the way it's reviving things that should remain dead and buried. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the throwback uniforms that the Denver Broncos will be sporting this season: First off, Wyoming Cowboy fans can't be happy about their pro neighbors stealing their school colors. I'm pretty much as unhappy as they are, because this monstrosity just goes to show you why so few college and pro teams have gone with the brown and yellow color scheme in their uniforms. It's hard to cheer for a team that's dressed like they're working the dinner shift at your local Waffle House. I'm worried that when I catch an AFL Legacy program game this season involving the Broncos, the uniforms will set off some sort of subconscious trigger where I think I'm seeing Dave Winfield swing away for the '78 San Diego Padres. And I can't for the life of me figure out how vertically striped socks haven't kept up with blue jeans and baseball caps in terms of being fashion staples. How many sets of cankles would have been magically slimmed down over the years if they were hidden under brown and yellow vertical stripes? These socks propel these uniforms from being bad straight into the Pantheon of All-Time Suckiest Uniforms. Within the Pantheon, you will find the 1960 Bronco uniform tucked between Kansas State basketball's disastrous experiment with light purple and the equally disastrous experiment with short pants conducted by the '76 White Sox. Would John Elway have been caught dead in such a uniform? Probably so, but I think he would have at least resisted to the same degree that Jerry Seinfeld tried to resist wearing the puffy pirate shirt on the "Today" show.