Found May 21, 2013 on
Purple Jesus Diaries:
Look at this god damn thing. It's a work of art. The deep purple, the kingly gold, the horizontal stripes. It's like whatever grandmother knitted this reached deep into my wet dreams and retrieved this from the ether to display it so finely on a weird ass mannequin. Not that I'm complaining. While I'd love to wear it, I will also gladly ogle it like a picture of Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini, because dat ass.
Or, in other words, dat sweater.
I regret to inform you I have no other real information about this sweater. I found it from our Pinterest page (yes, we do have one, and it's only like 74% filled with gay stuff) and while the original link from that post is down, we were able to track this piece of boner material down again, with it likely being the one on a user's page called "andyhaul." Looks similar, yes? I don't know if it's the same one or not, but it doesn't matter.
This is apparently a Cliff Engle brand sweater, which is apparently a company that made sweaters that stimulated the clitoris directly, because look at that thing. If you do a Google Image search for "Cliff Engle Sweaters" you find an art gallery of work, rivaling that of the Louvre. So many vibrant colors, so many stripes. So much weird, erotic 1980's models. I feel like I'm watching scrambled HBO porn all over again.
This Vikings one is particularly great for many of the same reasons why their classic throwback uniform is great, as well. The purple is an awesome shade of purple, the gold doesn't ***** foot around. The stenciled Vikings font is a classic 1980's look that screams "I'LL KILL YOUR CHILDREN" like only a Viking could, and of course THE STRIPES! Sweet Jesus, anything with stripes will make me weak in the knees, like college lined notebook paper, or braces. I wish the Vikings would just put these over their pads and play in them. That'd be awesome.
So if anyone is looking for an idea of what to get me for ... I don't know ... Summer Solstice? You can add this one to the list. I'll make you my forever-lover.
BEST OF MAXIM
OK people, I'm not going to lie. This post is total corporate shill, but it's for a good cause. Namely, you may get free stuff out of it! And it's weird from my perspective, so we're totally rolling with it.
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