My Day Too Late NFL Predictions

I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off: * Arizona will beat out Carolina simply because they have such a dedication to the running game, and that's what everything else builds off of on offense. * The new Lions quarterback could very well be the best Orlovsky ever to play in the NFL. * What if firemen ran congress? Well, apparently they would talk incessantly on Nokia beep phone radios despite the fact they are in the same room. Now being politicians they would probably then charge the country for these large uneeded phone bills. Also, it appears that firemen never shower or wash their clothes. Oh, and we would probably have a lot fewer fires. * Cowboys fans are going to be pumped up and happy if their team can match their high octane offensive performance of 14 points from a week ago. * Hey Brits! This is how a real sport is played, with a lot of scoring! No 5-3 soccer score nonsense here, because we times all our touchdowns by 7, so we get sensible scores like 35-21. Much more exciting looking numbers right there... * Those poor Dolphins fans, they get stuck with a scrub like Chad Pennington while Jets fans get to bask in the glory of Brett Favre. That must suck. * Watch out Orlando Magic, Dwight Howard has apparently been eating quite often at McDonald's over the offseason. Judging by how many times I have had to watch the commercial where he peels off game pieces while he gets eyed by a young white racist, he has been there 12,837,438 times. * The Bengals defense is going to make the stat sheet look pretty ugly for Texans QB Matt Schaub, because they are a very tough unit. Also, there will be a bunch of Bengals statistics on there which will ruin any statsheet. * Brian Westbrook is way too banged up to do much this week, keep him on your fantasy bench. That tip was free, you can all thank me later. * It's going to be a tough battle to see who can out-horrible the other team. But I've got to give a leg up to Seattle in this one. I think San Francisco is going to win it because the new coach just seems to have confidence in his players, he's going to stick with them no matter what in this game. * If you get together 200 of your friends, get drunk on Guiness, and then go to the top of an office building with access to every room, you can turn off and on the lights repeatedly. This will look awesome to the one janitor in a neighboring building who notices. Doesn't that sound like fun? Well, trust me, it will when you're drunk on Guiness.