Originally written on Sportress of Blogitude  |  Last updated 11/20/14
Undated, unsubstantiated, essentially meaningless. Those are some ways to characterize the supposedly salacious “ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE PICTURES” that depict “SUPER BOWL HUNK’S WILD WILD PARTY.” The all-caps headline of the National Enquirer story on its website that serves as a teaser for its new print edition of the gossip rag means it is pretty crazy stuff, you see. The “SUPER BOWL HUNK” alluded to in the provocative headline is San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick and his “WILD WILD PARTY” evidently revolves around a time when a grown man engaged in some horseplay while aboard a Carnival Cruise ship in Mexico. Again, the National Enquirer doesn’t mention when the teaser photo was taken, but they got the gossipy goods on this apparently hedonistic pleasure cruise. Oh, the humanity. Oops, pardon me, let me do it Enquirer-style: OH THE HUMANITY!!!!! An excerpt from the comically absurd teaser online article: The uber-racy snapshots show a shirtless Kaepernick receiving “body shots” of tequila, grinning wildly as bikini-clad bombshells lick the salty goodness off his Adonis-like physique. “They approached Colin as soon as they saw him,” an eyewitness told The ENQUIRER. “He im­mediately flashed his abs at the half-naked girls, and he totally went for it when they asked if they could do body shots off him.” Naturally, things got out of hand as nature AND Tequila took its course. Wowee-kazowee! If I knew one thing about Carnival Cruises — and I don’t, actually — is when you pair the intoxicating combination of nature AND Tequila? Hoo boy, stuff is going to get real fast. And uber-racy snapshots are sure to be taken. And “salty goodness”? Seriously? Man, even I could churn out this kind of drivel. And how about how it is alleged that Kaepernick “immediately flashed his abs”? I imagine shortly after “flashing his abs” but before they licked the salty goodness off him” Kaepernick flexed his muscles, strutted up to the “half-naked girls” and asked them, “Do you know where the weight room is?” Because I like to believe that everything that happens in life can be magically traced back to some tired pop culture reference. Tommy Boy in this case. But let us for a moment assume that these are more recent photos. Would that make any difference in the grand scheme of things? It’s not like I’m going to stop Kaepernicking, for goodness sake. Nor am I not going to eat my Colin Kaepernick Bicep Cake or plaster Fake Colin Kaepernick Tattoos all over my arms, nor will I stop listening to an adorable little girl rap about her heroc. [National Enquirer, via The Big Lead] TweetThe post National Enquirer has pics of chicks doing body shots off Colin Kaepernick (photo) appeared first on Sportress of Blogitude.
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
1 Comment:
  • This photo was taken in March 2012 and you can take that to the bank. NE trying to make news with an old photo, that's all that is. Kap wasn't even known at that time as Alex Smith was the starter until he got hurt 7 months later... In other words, NE is trying to make something fun, simple, nothing, just kids having fun, into something more than it is. Go figure.....
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Gregg Marshall is staying at Wichita State

Bengals troll Browns with April Fools’ Day joke

Malcolm Jenkins on McCoy trade: Could've gotten more

Does Romo restructure pave the way for Peterson?

Todd Gurley: 2015 NFL Draft Profile

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Colts' Robert Mathis hopes to be back by training camp

LeBron thought Kyrie was a ballhog when season started

Muhammad Ali rooting for a Pacquiao win over Mayweather

Report: Cowboys to restructure Tony Romo's contract

Blake Griffin frustrated with lack of fan support at home

Eli Manning expects Giants' offense to take off in 2015

Lightning won’t sell playoff tickets to non-Florida residents

Brad Stevens dismisses Texas rumor

Albert, Costas and Michaels to work together for the first time

A’s closer buying tickets to fill stands at LGBT Pride Night

13 U.S. senators call on FIFA to strip Russia of 2018 World Cup

The San Antonio Spurs are beautiful again

Auriemma blasts men’s college basketball: ‘The game is a joke’

Westbrook: I'm not Angry Man off the court, I'm a chill guy

Fourth man sentenced in 2007 killing of Sean Taylor

Players who could have their arbitration years bought out

Rookie of the Year: Should there be a winner?

What's next for the Phoenix Suns?

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Dark horse Cy Young candidates

Final Four fact or fiction

Why WrestleMania 31 was an all-time great

Five worst QB situations in NFL

WATCH: Curry drops CP3 with crossover

Durant wants to spend career in OKC

This isn’t Tom Izzo’s greatest March masterpiece

Are the Angels being overlooked?

Top 20 players in the Final Four

Report: Tiger's plane spotted in Augusta

Moss shares story on meeting Deion

Five coaches already on the hot seat

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.