Originally written on Sportress of Blogitude  |  Last updated 2/6/13
Undated, unsubstantiated, essentially meaningless. Those are some ways to characterize the supposedly salacious “ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE PICTURES” that depict “SUPER BOWL HUNK’S WILD WILD PARTY.” The all-caps headline of the National Enquirer story on its website that serves as a teaser for its new print edition of the gossip rag means it is pretty crazy stuff, you see. The “SUPER BOWL HUNK” alluded to in the provocative headline is San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick and his “WILD WILD PARTY” evidently revolves around a time when a grown man engaged in some horseplay while aboard a Carnival Cruise ship in Mexico. Again, the National Enquirer doesn’t mention when the teaser photo was taken, but they got the gossipy goods on this apparently hedonistic pleasure cruise. Oh, the humanity. Oops, pardon me, let me do it Enquirer-style: OH THE HUMANITY!!!!! An excerpt from the comically absurd teaser online article: The uber-racy snapshots show a shirtless Kaepernick receiving “body shots” of tequila, grinning wildly as bikini-clad bombshells lick the salty goodness off his Adonis-like physique. “They approached Colin as soon as they saw him,” an eyewitness told The ENQUIRER. “He im­mediately flashed his abs at the half-naked girls, and he totally went for it when they asked if they could do body shots off him.” Naturally, things got out of hand as nature AND Tequila took its course. Wowee-kazowee! If I knew one thing about Carnival Cruises — and I don’t, actually — is when you pair the intoxicating combination of nature AND Tequila? Hoo boy, stuff is going to get real fast. And uber-racy snapshots are sure to be taken. And “salty goodness”? Seriously? Man, even I could churn out this kind of drivel. And how about how it is alleged that Kaepernick “immediately flashed his abs”? I imagine shortly after “flashing his abs” but before they licked the salty goodness off him” Kaepernick flexed his muscles, strutted up to the “half-naked girls” and asked them, “Do you know where the weight room is?” Because I like to believe that everything that happens in life can be magically traced back to some tired pop culture reference. Tommy Boy in this case. But let us for a moment assume that these are more recent photos. Would that make any difference in the grand scheme of things? It’s not like I’m going to stop Kaepernicking, for goodness sake. Nor am I not going to eat my Colin Kaepernick Bicep Cake or plaster Fake Colin Kaepernick Tattoos all over my arms, nor will I stop listening to an adorable little girl rap about her heroc. [National Enquirer, via The Big Lead] TweetThe post National Enquirer has pics of chicks doing body shots off Colin Kaepernick (photo) appeared first on Sportress of Blogitude.
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
1 Comment:
  • This photo was taken in March 2012 and you can take that to the bank. NE trying to make news with an old photo, that's all that is. Kap wasn't even known at that time as Alex Smith was the starter until he got hurt 7 months later... In other words, NE is trying to make something fun, simple, nothing, just kids having fun, into something more than it is. Go figure.....
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Braves reportedly aren’t keen on trading Cameron Maybin

Report: Jason Pierre-Paul has burns, possible nerve damage

Rory McIlroy suffered injury in soccer game with friends

Jason Kidd to be named general manager of Bucks

USWNT romps Japan 5-2 to win third Women's World Cup title

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: JPP 'severely injured' hand in fireworks mishap

Blatter: European politicians helped Qatar land World Cup

Report: Cavs considering trading for Joe Johnson

Andrew Quarless found hiding in plant after firing gun

Odell Beckham: I don't want to be known only for 'the catch'

Borland on retirement: Health 'more important' than money

MLB teams who will continue to disappoint in the second half

2015 All-Star starters announced, featuring four Royals

WATCH: Jake Marisnick makes fantastic running catch

WATCH: Carlos Gomez leaves gum, note for Billy Hamilton

Kansas to wear new USA jerseys after request from FIBA

What can the Saints expect from CJ Spiller in 2015?

Isaiah Thomas trolls Kings after Rajon Rondo signing

Kosta Koufos agrees to deal with Kings

Report: Blues in trade talks about Kevin Shattenirk

Report: Gregg Popovich plans to fulfill five-year contract

4-Star LB commits to Kentucky, zings Louisville

Clay Buchholz not worried about trade rumors

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

2015 All-Star starters announced

JPP injured in fireworks mishap?

Odell Beckham doesn't want to be known for 'the catch'

Russell Wilson 'would definitely consider' playing for Mariners

Solo, Rapinoe among USWNT stars up for World Cup awards

LBS on Sports Jeopardy! Here's how how it went

College football's 35 most patriotic helmets

A brief history of non-star All-Stars

With Love retained, the Cavs can take care of LeBron

Grading the deal: Davis commits to Pelicans

Obama Administration: Change name if Redskins move to D.C.

Deciding what the All-Star Game means

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.