Originally written April 23, 2013 on Purple Jesus Diaries:
Hold on to your dicks, everyone, I got some news for you today that's going to blow your mind holes: The Minnesota Vikings re-signed Marcus Sherels. ARE WE READY FOR THE SUPER BOWL OR WHAT, BIZZCHES?!! Marcus Sherels, former Minnesota Golden Gopher and the only player on the Vikings team who has been signed after being asked to come in for a local work out, signed his tender the team offered him back in March for $555,000 so he could oh my God why am I even writing this article about Marcus Sherels. Can't the team just release the uniform already so we don't have to talk about what should be a practice squad body? This is an unbelievable waste of my time, and your time - if we're being honest - for you to even read this fluff. Marcus Sherels. That's who you're spending your Tuesday on. Be happy about that. Sherels has never been a huge component of the team, and has always seen his impact most significantly in the return game. But with the loss of Percy Harvin and Antoine Winfield - both to Seattle - this offseason, Sherels is expected to step into a more significant return and defensive role and seriously, we're still talking about this. What, we're going to dissect the role Marcus Sherels is going to have for this team in 2013? It's come to that? Hey, if Sherels ends up seeing significant playing time for the Vikings in 2013 we're already screwed, so I'm not going to waste time now pontificating on how important of a move this is for the team and look at me go, here I am, still talking about Sherels. I need some medical attention. Having Sherels re-join the staff may indicate the Vikings draft intentions, showing their hand a bit that they may only draft one defensive back player and use Sherels to supplement the roster as he knows the scheme, coaches, opposing players, and wow, are you still reading this? I was literally just writing gibberish from another site to fill up some space and now I think you busted me, you busted me not doing my job, because you've read this far into an article about Marcus Sherels and the Minnesota Vikings. I need medical help? No way, you do pal. That's just some sick, sick stuff. Get out. Anyway, let's all welcome Marcus Sherels back to the whatever, I can't even finish this What the hell is going on. [follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Raiders reportedly expected to make a run at Jon Gruden

FCC unanimously ends sports blackout rule

Michael Phelps arrested for DUI

Is hiring Mack Brown a real possibility for SMU Mustangs?

NFL: Abdullah should not have been penalized for praying

Belichick: Pats 'didn't play well enough at all' against Chiefs

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Astros new manager A.J. Hinch: ‘Goal is to win championships’

Oakland Raiders fire Dennis Allen after 0-4 start

Did Roger Goodell’s bodyguard assault a photographer?

Kobe Bryant, Deron Williams engage in war of words

Georgia RB Todd Gurley falsely accused of punching student

Russell Westbrook: "I'm the best point guard" in NBA

Oregon to don pink-themed unis for breast cancer awareness

Is DeMarco Murray the best RB in the NFL?

WATCH: TBS sends up 'Boom Goes the Dynamite' with promo

Ilya Bryzgalov takes photos with fans while on the bench

NFL Awards: Week 4 edition

The best and worst MLB players in September

Tracking demanding career paths of all Top 25 head coaches

NFL Power Rankings: Week 4

Strahan to make cameo as stripper in 'Magic Mike' sequel

The rise of Houston's Bill O’Brien

Bill Belichick laughs off QB question...literally

Patriots fan fails with American flag face paint

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Raiders to make a run at Jon Gruden?

Is DeMarco Murray the NFL's best RB?

Ilya Bryzgalov takes photos with fans while on the bench

NFL Awards: Week 4 edition

Michael Phelps arrested for DUI

NFL admits error on Abdullah penalty

Best, worst MLB players in Sept.

College FB coaches, tough career paths

NFL Power Rankings: Week 4

Raiders fire Dennis Allen after 0-4 start

Chiefs player penalized for praying after TD

Did Roger Goodell’s bodyguard assault a photographer?

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.