Hold on to your dicks, everyone, I got some news for you today that's going to blow your mind holes:
The Minnesota Vikings re-signed Marcus Sherels.
ARE WE READY FOR THE SUPER BOWL OR WHAT, BIZZCHES?!!
Marcus Sherels, former Minnesota Golden Gopher and the only player on the Vikings team who has been signed after being asked to come in for a local work out, signed his tender the team offered him back in March for $555,000 so he could oh my God why am I even writing this article about Marcus Sherels. Can't the team just release the uniform already so we don't have to talk about what should be a practice squad body? This is an unbelievable waste of my time, and your time - if we're being honest - for you to even read this fluff. Marcus Sherels. That's who you're spending your Tuesday on. Be happy about that.
Sherels has never been a huge component of the team, and has always seen his impact most significantly in the return game. But with the loss of Percy Harvin and Antoine Winfield - both to Seattle - this offseason, Sherels is expected to step into a more significant return and defensive role and seriously, we're still talking about this. What, we're going to dissect the role Marcus Sherels is going to have for this team in 2013? It's come to that? Hey, if Sherels ends up seeing significant playing time for the Vikings in 2013 we're already screwed, so I'm not going to waste time now pontificating on how important of a move this is for the team and look at me go, here I am, still talking about Sherels. I need some medical attention.
Having Sherels re-join the staff may indicate the Vikings draft intentions, showing their hand a bit that they may only draft one defensive back player and use Sherels to supplement the roster as he knows the scheme, coaches, opposing players, and wow, are you still reading this? I was literally just writing gibberish from another site to fill up some space and now I think you busted me, you busted me not doing my job, because you've read this far into an article about Marcus Sherels and the Minnesota Vikings. I need medical help? No way, you do pal. That's just some sick, sick stuff. Get out.
Anyway, let's all welcome Marcus Sherels back to the whatever, I can't even finish this What the hell is going on.