Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/19/14
2010-sports-illustrated
If you are still for some reason reading major sports outlets instead of just getting your Vikings news from sites like THIS, then maybe you've already seen Peter King's newest "Monday Morning Quarterback." If you have already read it, I am so sorry for your soul, because you have terrible taste in reading material. If you haven't, then let me share with you how stupid this pig nosed dick cheek is. First, he went ahead and did his recent weekly power rankings which is essentially a ranking of him timing himself stroking his **** until he squirts out a puff of dried glue. The ones that go the quickest are at the top of the power rankings list, obviously. He put the Vikings at 13 this week, which is, ... I don't know ... Whatever. It's a power ranking. But here's what he had to say: 13. Minnesota (6-4). Strap it on, Vikes. Next three foes are 21-7, and two are on the road. DAMMIT KING, STOP STEALING MY MATERIAL! For a guy who is all "Respect traditional media (and me, so I can keep a job)! Be appropriate!" and other stuff that makes me fluff my balls in his general direction, I find this sentence rating the remaining Vikings schedule pretty offensive. Not that it isn't something I would say myself, mind you (in fact, it may just be this week's game preview head line now!), but it's awfully graphic for a guy that has a Harry Potter lightning bolt in his hair. King also went on to be a total ***** about Kluwe this week. Generally, King says he likes Kluwe being an independent thinker in the NFL ....... Exccccceeppt for when he disagrees with what Peter King thinks. Kluwe recently wrote a piece in Deadspin about how he's upset that punter Ray Guy has been overlooked by the Hall of Fame voting committee. It was typical Kluwe *****-fest, but classic in that same regard. Of course, King got all defensive, talked a bunch of nonsense that didn't make any sense, and left with this parting shot to Kluwe: Finally, I'm disappointed in Kluwe. I like him. He's the kind of independent voice football, and all of sports, needs. His column in Deadspin is beyond mean-spirited things. It's the kind of thing you'd pen to read at the trial of the men who dismembered your mother with an ax. I have never seen a sports writer want a finger in his ass so bad as Peter King does this week. I mean, except for all those times Favre was in the equation. So in conclusion, Peter King is still a fat, whale carcass, the Vikings should butt plug him with some dildos, and Chris Kluwe is still the best Shirtless Viking. CASE SOLVED. [follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Jameis Winston cleared in code of conduct case

Sherman: Patrick Peterson would be benched on Seahawks

Fans struck by lightning after Buccaneers-Packers game

Report: Philip Rivers playing through painful back injury

Report: Bears could have interest in Jim Harbaugh

Report: Shanahan interested in coaching next season

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Michigan has its eye on several NFL coaches

Report: Titans, Jay Cutler have mutual interest in trade

Phillies GM told Ryan Howard team is better off without him

Report: Browns interested in drafting Marcus Mariota

Chargers keep playoff hopes alive with comeback win

Robin Lopez responds to Khloe Kardashian dating rumors

WATCH: Three players ejected after Giants-Rams fight

WATCH: Dominic Raiola stomps on Bears player's ankle

WATCH: Arian Foster throws TD pass, drops scoreboard taunt

WATCH: Johnny Manziel leaves with injury after taking big hit

NHL has warned 22 players about diving

Nick Mangold wears NYDP hat to honor fallen officers

Five things we learned from the first day of bowl games

WATCH: South Alabama coach bloodied after kick to the face

Dan Mullen wears funny 'Christmas Vacation' sweater

WATCH: Redskins FB gets in Eagles fan's face after TD

WATCH: Utah runs trick play on first offensive play of game

Mick Cronin misses game with unruptured aneurysm

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Raiola stomps on Bears player's ankle

Bears interested in Jim Harbaugh?

Shanahan to return to 2015?

Browns interested in drafting Mariota?

Mullen wears funny Christmas sweater

RG3 returning to Redskins?

Tom Izzo hot after bad loss

Kings, Nets talking Deron Williams trade

WATCH: DeSean mocks Eagles

Vick: Winston is the future of the NFL

No NFL team in LA next season?

UNC rocking Jordan-era throwbacks

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.