Found November 20, 2012 on
Purple Jesus Diaries:
If you are still for some reason reading major sports outlets instead of just getting your Vikings news from sites like THIS, then maybe you've already seen Peter King's newest "Monday Morning Quarterback." If you have already read it, I am so sorry for your soul, because you have terrible taste in reading material. If you haven't, then let me share with you how stupid this pig nosed dick cheek is.
First, he went ahead and did his recent weekly power rankings which is essentially a ranking of him timing himself stroking his **** until he squirts out a puff of dried glue. The ones that go the quickest are at the top of the power rankings list, obviously. He put the Vikings at 13 this week, which is, ... I don't know ... Whatever. It's a power ranking. But here's what he had to say:
13. Minnesota (6-4). Strap it on, Vikes. Next three foes are 21-7, and two are on the road.
DAMMIT KING, STOP STEALING MY MATERIAL!
For a guy who is all "Respect traditional media (and me, so I can keep a job)! Be appropriate!" and other stuff that makes me fluff my balls in his general direction, I find this sentence rating the remaining Vikings schedule pretty offensive. Not that it isn't something I would say myself, mind you (in fact, it may just be this week's game preview head line now!), but it's awfully graphic for a guy that has a Harry Potter lightning bolt in his hair.
King also went on to be a total ***** about Kluwe this week. Generally, King says he likes Kluwe being an independent thinker in the NFL ....... Exccccceeppt for when he disagrees with what Peter King thinks. Kluwe recently wrote a piece in Deadspin about how he's upset that punter Ray Guy has been overlooked by the Hall of Fame voting committee. It was typical Kluwe *****-fest, but classic in that same regard. Of course, King got all defensive, talked a bunch of nonsense that didn't make any sense, and left with this parting shot to Kluwe:
Finally, I'm disappointed in Kluwe. I like him. He's the kind of independent voice football, and all of sports, needs. His column in Deadspin is beyond mean-spirited things. It's the kind of thing you'd pen to read at the trial of the men who dismembered your mother with an ax.
I have never seen a sports writer want a finger in his ass so bad as Peter King does this week. I mean, except for all those times Favre was in the equation.
So in conclusion, Peter King is still a fat, whale carcass, the Vikings should butt plug him with some dildos, and Chris Kluwe is still the best Shirtless Viking.
BEST OF MAXIM
We've already established this week that the 2012 Minnesota Vikings bye week has been a success. No one was arrested for grab assing a high schooler, no one was caught smuggling drugs across the Mexican border, and Phil Loadholt decided not to eat a human being during the week. Everyone wins! But that doesn't mean people didn't do ANYTHING. As Vikings quarterback Christian...
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Returning to practice after a seven-day break, Minnesota Vikings center John Sullivan sat at his locker with his shirt and forehead dripping with sweat and said the first few plays during practice, "it's hard to get your wind back."
Sullivan, like most of his teammates, got away during last week's bye week. Sullivan spent part of his time off...
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. The bye week break helped Minnesota Vikings receiver Percy Harvin's recovery from a badly sprained ankle, but the team's leading receiver is still not able to return to practice.
Harvin, who is tied for eighth in the league with 62 catches, suffered a sprain in three places in his left ankle in the Week 9 game against the Seattle Seahawks. He missed the...
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. While the players for the Minnesota Vikings were stretched across the country enjoying their week off during the bye, coach Leslie Frazier and his coaching staff were still tucked inside the team's facilities at Winter Park.
Frazier and the coaches had taken time recently to evaluate the play, specifically the passing offense, before the 34-24 win against...
Minnesota receiver Percy Harvin did not practice on Monday when the team returned to work after its bye week.
Harvin is still working through a badly sprained left ankle that caused him to miss the game against Detroit before the bye. Coach Leslie Frazier says his leading receiver hasn't suffered any setbacks. But Frazier did say it was still too sore for Harvin to go Monday...
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Chris Cook was more than frustrated when he left the field on Oct. 25 against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after suffering an arm injury that he thought might wipe out another season.
Cook, two seasons since being the Minnesota Vikings' top pick in the 2010 draft, had already been through plenty, his first two seasons cut short by first injuries and then a legal...
The Vikings are hoping a bye-week self-scout can help improve their passing offense. Christian Ponder entered the bye feeling better about his performance after a rough stretch, but how he performs under pressure is still a story being developed. What are the measurements used to evaluate that and what did he, Leslie Frazier and Rick Spielman say about it?
Vikings WR Percy Harvin is ready to test his sprained ankle in hopes of playing Sunday after two weeks off.
Last week: 15 (-1)
(Eds: APNewsNow. Will be updated. With AP Photos.) By DAVE CAMPBELL AP Pro Football Writer The Minnesota Vikings must play perhaps their best yet this season to emerge from the last six games with a playoff spot, let alone a winning record.
The defensive line will have a big part in this.
They visit Chicago on Sunday and Green Bay the week after, facing the NFC North co-leaders...
Following Monday night’s loss to the San Francisco 49ers, the Chicago Bears defense will try to redeem themselves against the Minnesota Vikings.
The Bears gave up 355 total yards, including 243 and two touchdowns to first-time starter Colin Kaepernick.
The defense looked off from the beginning and was never able to recover.
Sunday afternoon, the Bears head back home to face the...
After speculating that ESPN’s Jon Gruden plans to leave for the NFL following this season, Sports-Illustrated’s Peter King’s comments were edited from the PTI interview on Wednesday (Credit: AP Photo)
There have been multiple reports over the past few months that former Raiders and Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden is interested in returning to the game. With a number of high profile...