Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/20/12
2010-sports-illustrated
If you are still for some reason reading major sports outlets instead of just getting your Vikings news from sites like THIS, then maybe you've already seen Peter King's newest "Monday Morning Quarterback." If you have already read it, I am so sorry for your soul, because you have terrible taste in reading material. If you haven't, then let me share with you how stupid this pig nosed dick cheek is. First, he went ahead and did his recent weekly power rankings which is essentially a ranking of him timing himself stroking his **** until he squirts out a puff of dried glue. The ones that go the quickest are at the top of the power rankings list, obviously. He put the Vikings at 13 this week, which is, ... I don't know ... Whatever. It's a power ranking. But here's what he had to say: 13. Minnesota (6-4). Strap it on, Vikes. Next three foes are 21-7, and two are on the road. DAMMIT KING, STOP STEALING MY MATERIAL! For a guy who is all "Respect traditional media (and me, so I can keep a job)! Be appropriate!" and other stuff that makes me fluff my balls in his general direction, I find this sentence rating the remaining Vikings schedule pretty offensive. Not that it isn't something I would say myself, mind you (in fact, it may just be this week's game preview head line now!), but it's awfully graphic for a guy that has a Harry Potter lightning bolt in his hair. King also went on to be a total ***** about Kluwe this week. Generally, King says he likes Kluwe being an independent thinker in the NFL ....... Exccccceeppt for when he disagrees with what Peter King thinks. Kluwe recently wrote a piece in Deadspin about how he's upset that punter Ray Guy has been overlooked by the Hall of Fame voting committee. It was typical Kluwe *****-fest, but classic in that same regard. Of course, King got all defensive, talked a bunch of nonsense that didn't make any sense, and left with this parting shot to Kluwe: Finally, I'm disappointed in Kluwe. I like him. He's the kind of independent voice football, and all of sports, needs. His column in Deadspin is beyond mean-spirited things. It's the kind of thing you'd pen to read at the trial of the men who dismembered your mother with an ax. I have never seen a sports writer want a finger in his ass so bad as Peter King does this week. I mean, except for all those times Favre was in the equation. So in conclusion, Peter King is still a fat, whale carcass, the Vikings should butt plug him with some dildos, and Chris Kluwe is still the best Shirtless Viking. CASE SOLVED. [follow]
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Does NFL have a motive to settle with Tom Brady?

Big Ten coaches opposed to 9-game conference schedule

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Hill arrested for reckless driving, clocked going 107 mph

Diamondbacks GM: Padres wanted Goldschmidt for Kimbrel

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

'Rowdy' Roddy Piper dead at 61

Mets acquire Yoenis Cespedes from Tigers

Sheldon Richardson escapes felony charges for recent arrest

Lawyer who litigated against NFL: Brady plays every game

Cowboys should sign interested RB Steven Jackson

Jameis Winston confirmed as Buccaneers starting QB

Junior Seau’s daughter will speak at hall of fame induction

Golden State Warriors: the rich get richer

NFL, Brady could settle to avoid appeal documents going public

Miguel Herrera apologizes for costly Philly airport fight

Russell Wilson contract $60 million guaranteed? Not so fast

Bernard Pollard backs Tom Brady, disagrees with suspension

Cardale Jones continues to show love toward Ronda Rousey

Joseph Randle on Steven Jackson: ‘He’s at home watching’

Evan Turner reps Ohio State after NBA Africa game

The Wind Up: a wild and crazy trade deadline

DeMarco Murray: fantasy football’s riskiest pick

Jim Harbaugh has interesting name for rival Ohio State

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Five potential NFL salary cap casualties this preseason

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Pirates do Pirates at deadline: Neat little moves

Mets acquire Cespedes from Tigers

Ranking the NFL’s 32 head coaches

Five worst baseball trades since 2000

Examining the state of the NFL

Puig: Broke out of slump by playing baseball video games

Braves dump risk, exchange it for risk

David Price traded to Blue Jays

The indefensible Hulk Hogan

Cole Hamels chose Rangers over Astros

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker