Found August 13, 2012 on Purple Jesus Diaries:

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/christian-ponder-49ers-preseason-001.jpg
Wake Me When Things Are Different: After watching the Minnesota Vikings get convincingly silenced by the San Francisco 49ers on Friday night 17-6, I was a little bit confused. I thought I was watching a team from 2012? This is a new NFL year, right? There are new players and younger talent that has grown and learned the game since they were rookies, yes? Because I thought I was getting trolled until AT LEAST when McLeod Bethel-Thompson came in. I half expected McNabb to come waltzing out of the tunnel at any moment eating a Philly Cheese steak, dancing the whole way. It would have just felt pretty natural, because the team by and large didn't look very different from last year.

"But PJD, this is the preseason! Teams are playing vanilla schemes and trying not to show their hands! A bunch of starters were out! No one cares about winning! Other stupid comments that blind Purple Fans spout off because they want to keep their hope alive for the 2012 season!" Don't care. The 49ers seemed to be able to win still. Andrew Luck had a QB rating of 158.3 yesterday. Did the Colts just decide to open up the playbook for him? Point being, the team SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT look the same from one year to the next, ESPECIALLY when your previous year included you going 3-13. And they did. The same problems were there. Poor tackling, bad angles in the secondary, no separation from the wide receivers, questionable blocking from the offensive line (more so in the second and third units, I'll admit) ... Troublesome. VERY TROUBLESOME.

So let's scrutinize a meaningless game even more in this week's game recap:

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/mistral-raymond-mushroom-st.jpg
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval: For the noobs that are popping up, the Mushroom Stamp of (Dis)Approval is awarded in each game recap to a player that did well in a win, or did poorly in a loss. Unless Purple Jesus goes off in a game, we tend not to give it to him otherwise he'd probably get it every week. If the Vikings would have won on Friday, I totally would have given it to Kluwe because he had some awesome punts in conditions he said were worse than Soldier Field. That's pretty amazing, considering that place sucks balls. Unfortunately, the first Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval this season is going to Mistral Raymond, who was pretty much handed an opportunity to be a **** kicker on defense in a starting position and instead filled his pants with feces. There was one play in particular where the running back broke through the line and jutted to the right sideline where Raymond got himself sucked up so deep in the hole that it was like Boba Fett getting lost in the Sarlacc Pit. Unbelievable. It's not so much that it was Raymond that deserved it (I actually have high hopes for him this year) but rather just a reminder of the circumstances that I was hoping wouldn't happen again in 2012 appearing in the first game of the season. I cried a salty tear when it happened, and for that he gets stamped.

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/joe-webb-49ers-preseason-001.jpg
Joe Webb Might Be in Trouble:
I'm just going to come out and say it ... Joe Webb looked AWFUL at quarterback. Awful. TarVar-esque. This is now, what, his third season? ... And he's shown the same tendencies to do the same stupid things in all three seasons, as a quarterback. His knack for scrambling 20 yards in to the backfield and forward again to only lose 2 is positively infuriating. I'd rather he just jump passed the ball or got hurt every time he was hit like Tarvaris ... Except that Webb DOES jump pass the ball. Terrible, terrible memories ... This isn't to say he's still not a good player or potentially valuable to the team. It's just becoming less and less likely that it happens at quarterback. Would I like to see him moved to wide receiver more often? Yes! Is Bill Musgrave smart enough to figure out a scheme to do that? Probably not! Which gives you another reason to believe that this team will be lucky to push the .500 mark at the end of the year.

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/paul-allen-vikings-kfan.jpg
Why People Back Paul Allen, I'll Never Know: If you were "lucky" enough to watch the game on local TV, you got "treated" to "the voice of the Vikings" Paul Allen, host on KFAN radio. I used all of those quotations because I was being facetious. I know people LOOOVVEE "PA" because he's a total rube who loves the Vikings as much as they do and he apparently does a real good job at calling the games? Although I can't tell because he's too busy using his Bermanisms when talking about players and talking in generalities about the game of football to really say anything instead of referencing meaningful advance or comparative stats. It baffles me that in a day and age where you have play by play hosts like John Fowke with the Wolves, a "lesser" important local team to require a radio voice or presence, honestly, that Vikings fans are stuck with PA. Not to say he doesn't have a place, or even that he should go. If he stuck to simple play by play and let the color commentator do their work, he'd be more tolerable. But the blow job he was giving McLeod on the air on Friday? Horrible. And that's an every 15 minute occurrence when you're listening to him during a game OR his radio broadcast. And, he was wrong. AND, he's wrong MOST of the time when he's talking sports. So am I, but I at least make no pretense about it. As Vikings fans, we deserve better, even if you don't think it. Who else would I suggest? I don't know, and that's not the point. But let's call it like we see it, huh? And if I had to name someone, I'd say Antoine Winfield when he retires, largely because of his silky smooth voice. He'd make my boxers moist. Or maybe Dan Barreiro? /Trolling101

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/marcus-sherels-49ers-preseason-001.jpg
Worthless Notes and Observations: The game happened like two days ago and everyone forgot about it or read a bunch of posts and articles about things online already. BUT I DIDN'T. And, you haven't read MY important PA-like thoughts on the game yet, so here they are:
  • That little bastard Marcus Sherels is going to make the team again! Against all odds, he keeps getting all Thomas the Train on us and makes plays. I never would have guessed it out of a Gopher, but here we are. He looked pretty decent Friday night.
  • Zacahry Bowman also looked OK. If he keeps this up, I wouldn't be surprised if he made it as the last CB. Chris Carr had some slip ups, but he didn't stand out as a total idiot, so that has to be a positive, right?
  • Kyle Rudolph did look like one guy that has improved in the last 12 months. Maybe it was because we ran plays to him, or maybe him and Ponder really do have better chemistry. Either way, his catching and movement up-field looked pretty good. Likely, he'll have a pretty big role for us this year, and that's OK by me.
  • Stephen Burton is interesting. He had the big catch from Ponder, but he also seems just steady enough to be a decent roster spot. I dont' think I'd be disappointed if he took Greg Childs spot this year, but I should probably see more out of him.
  • Audie Cole looked good! Real good! I'd be lying if I said I was expecting this out of him. As a seventh round pick it's always a crap shoot, and I hadn't heard a ton out of him in mini and training camps. But he showed up with some nice awareness, tackling, and interference. His mic'd up skills weren't very solid though, so he'll need to improve that area.
  • The starting offensive line looked ... Manageable? I recall Ponder scrambling to safety a couple of times, but not because of huge blown assignments of "Charlie Johnson on an Island" issues. That's encouraging.
  • I know he has done so, but it seems like Toby Gerhart has never run for more than six yards at a time for us. Again, he did so on Friday with a long of 16, but it always surprises me when it happens!

What did we miss? Make sure to leave your impressions in the comments.

http://purplejesus.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/ponder-webb-49ers-preseason-001.jpg
A Losing Haiku for a New Group of Losers:

"Riddle me this, Joe,
Have you ever seen a team
Lose at the coin toss?"

Whatever. It's a preseason game. Games two and three will be the real **** tease for football fans. Just get everyone healthy, get Purple Jesus a snap or two to get his feet back, and just get to the regular season. In the meantime, for us we're back to the grind. Game previews and recaps, some tweets possibly, interviews with opposing team blogs, Purple Jesus Diaries is right back in to your hearts and your loins! Tell a friend. But really ... tell a friend. We'd love more readers, because readers are fun.

[follow]
THE BACKYARD
BEST OF MAXIM
RELATED ARTICLES

Guion's development slowed by knee injury

MANKATO, Minn. The Minnesota Vikings felt confident enough in defensive tackle Letroy Guion's development that they re-signed the 2008 fifth-round pick and have given him all the first-team snaps at the nose tackle position beside Kevin Williams. Minnesota is hoping he can fill the void still remaining from when they decided to not re-sign Pat Williams after the 2010 season...

Vikings' Peterson taken off PUP list

MANKATO, Minn. The Minnesota Vikings have taken the reins off of franchise running back Adrian Peterson, but coach Leslie Frazier was exercising caution with his star back. Peterson, recovering from December knee surgery, was activated off the physically unable to perform list and was back practicing with Minnesota's first-team offense in walk-through Sunday at training camp...

Frazier to defense: Be careful with Peterson

MANKATO, Minn. Adrian Peterson will don pads again Tuesday afternoon for the first time since tearing two ligaments in his left knee during a December game, and Minnesota Vikings coach Leslie Frazier made it known to the team's defense to be cautious with the star running back. Frazier met with the defense and said to take things easy on Peterson as he returns to padded practices...

Daily Haze: Adrian Peterson, First Round Pick Again

If you needed more proof that Adrian Peterson isn’t mortal, you’re getting it this week. Less than eight months removed from tearing his ACL on Christmas Eve, which ended his 2011 season, Peterson has been removed from the Vikings’ Physically Unable to Perform (PUP) list. He’s due to resume practice at training camp and contact work this week. It’s an amazing recovery...

Adrian Peterson Off the Physically Unable to Perform List

Minnesota Vikings' running back, Adrian Peterson, was removed from the physically unable to perform list on Sunday and is now allowed to join his teammates for practice.  The Vikings are hoping that he will be healthy enough to actively help their offense that was stymied for only six points in Friday's game by the San Francisco 49ers. Peterson, who rushed for 970 yards...

VIDEO: Adrian Peterson practicing without a knee brace

AP Photo When a player typically comes back from undergoing a major surgery to repair an ACL tear, they’ll wear a knee brace for extra support.  Well it looks like Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has decided to go against the grain and not wear one. As promised, Adrian Peterson isn’t wearing a brace on his reconstructed knee. #Vikingsyfrog.us/ndcqilrclmavys… — Tom Pelissero...

Adrian Peterson Could Be Activated From PUP List Sunday

Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier acknowledged that activating running back Adrian Peterson from the PUP list is a possibility.Fantasy Spin:He could be activated as early as Sunday, which would allow the four-time Pro Bowler to participate in the rest of Minnesota's preseason slate. Either way, he should be a go for Week 1, which will hinder Toby Gerhart's fantasy value heading...

Report: Vikings' Peterson will come off PUP

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson reportedly will come off the Physically Unable to Perform list as soon as Sunday and practice Tuesday. Peterson is scheduled to have limited participation during a walk-through Sunday, according to ESPN's Josina Anderson. Peterson suffered a torn ACL and MCL against the Washington Redskins on Dec. 24, 2011.

Vikings prepping for Peterson’s padded debut

The Vikings are preparing for Adrian Peterson’s first practice in full pads since December, but they will take it slow with their star running back.

Peterson returns to Vikings practice

Adrian Peterson is back at Vikings practice on a limited basis, as the team activated him off the physically-unable-to-perform list. It’s another step in the process to his goal of playing in the regular-season opener.

Report: Adrian Peterson may come off the PUP list as early as Sunday

AP Photo According to Josina Anderson of ESPN,  a source has told her that the plan is that at least take running back Adrian Peterson off the PUP list by tomorrow (Sunday). Sources say the plan is to at least take Vikings RB Adrian Peterson (acl, mcl)off the active/pup list as early as tomorrow. — Josina Anderson (@JosinaAnderson) August 12, 2012 Sources add that the Vikings...

Childress Feeling Comfortable in Brown

When former Minnesota Vikings Head Coach (and former Philadelphia Eagles Offensive Coordinator) Brad Childress signed on as offensive coordinator for the Cleveland Browns, he didn’t just find a new job, he apparently found his signature color…brown. Childress was photographed at … Continue reading →
NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.