A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.
Like any children’s choir concert or a joke in Family Guy, the swan song of Ray Lewis goes on for a very long time. Lewis earned at least one more week in his NFL career as the Baltimore Ravens defeated the Denver Broncos in double overtime. The game ended on Justin Tucker field goal but the game was sealed buy a interception thrown by Peyton Manning. Halfway through the second overtime Manning rolled to the right stopped and threw across his body while Corey Graham stepped in front of Eric Decker to intercept the ball in Broncos territory. This play was so similar to the 2009 AFC Championship Game that Peyton Manning is only a dick pic away from combining Wikipedia pages with Brett Favre. As bad as Manning’s play was to end the game, Joe Flacco made a play that just as spectacular to extend the game to overtime. Needing to go most of the field to tie the game with under one minute left to play, Joe Flacco heaved the ball down the right side line to Jacoby Jones on a go route that landed almost uncontested in his arms. The play was almost uncontested because safety Rahim Moore made a play on the ball that made him look worse then a Houston Astros’ outfielder tripping on the hill in center field of Minute Maid Park. One last performance from this game cannot go overlooked. Trindon Holliday set records with both a punt and kick return for a touchdown and total return yards. However, much like Mitt Romney’s first debate, this great performance will still get remembered as an overall loss.
A second game this weekend came down to the wire when the Atlanta Falcons beat the Seattle Seahawks on a last second Matt Bryant field goal. Proceeding this field goal were 21 unanswered points by the Seattle Seahawks to take a one point lead with 30 seconds left in the game. One pass later Matt Ryan connected with Tony Gonzalez, both of whom have never won a playoff game, to setup the game winning field goal. This win kicks the monkey off Matt Ryan’s back but we will have to wait a few more weeks to see if Ryan and Gonzalez can still be labeled the Charles Barkley and the Gary Payton of the NFL.
The Seattle Seahawks almost finished off one of the greatest comebacks in NFL playoff history, but almost only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and pregnancy scares. The game ended for the Seahawks in disappointing fashion but even taking the lead was an accomplishment after getting embarrassed in the first half. The Seahawks were shutout in the first half failing to score on two red zone attempts. The game looked out of control at halftime but the Seahawks taught the NFL a lesson about Russell Wilson. With him at the helm you are never out of the game, a lesson that Seahawks and Wisconsin Badger fans already know, and that the Colorado Rockies know nothing about. One last note about this game, with as much as broadcasters across all networks talked about the size of the Seahawks corner backs, you would have thought that their size was dating A.J. McCarron.
The Green Bay Packers showed up to play on Saturday but they must have been preparing all week like they were playing Joe Webb and not Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick put together the premier performance of the weekend leading his team with 263 passing yards and a record setting 181 rushing yards. Kaeperick’s 56-yard touchdown run also ended up being the definitive go-ahead score. Kaepernick stole the show this weekend just like he stole Alex Smith’s job. Jim Harbuagh’s move to start Kaepernick could have lost him his job, but so far the move is making him look more like Steven Hawking, who actually knows a surprising amount about the read option. This game looked like it might go a different way for the Packers when they started the game with an interception returned for a touchdown by Sam Shields, but not even that could rattle the second year QB. By comparison, Kaepernick playing almost the best game possible after starting in the worse possible way would be like if President Obama gave the best speech of his presidency after starting the speech by calling every American’s mother a *****.
In the final game of the weekend, the New England Patriots prove to be too much to handle for the Houston Texans. In this victory, Tom Brady set the QB record for playoff wins with 17. Brady has won 9 more playoff games than Colin Kaepernick has started in the NFL. Brady has won 16 more playoff games than Matt Ryan. Brady has 11 more playoff wins than Joe Flacco. To find players with more games won than Brady, you have to turn to tennis. The Patriots offense was clicking so much that even Shane Vereen scored three touchdowns, who himself had almost forgotten that he played for the Patriots. Rob Gronkowski re-injured his left arm and will now be out for the remainder of the playoffs. Not having Gronkowski is a huge loss for the Patriots, but not as big of a loss as Gronkwoski not being able to use his left forearm now that he is out of work. You know what they say about idle hands.
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