Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 8/27/13
IN YOUR FACE, NAYSAYERS! We have found it! We did it! Putting a man on the moon? Cakewalk! Ending the Cold War? Rubbish! Mapping the human genome? Boring! We finally tracked down some ground breaking, Earth shattering news that is going to flip your life upside down, Ponder haters, because finally, a reputable news source has legitimately ranked Christian Ponder as their 4th best quarterback in the NFL in 2013! BOOM! GAME, BLOUSES, HI HATERS. So ... So, what's the news source? I feel like we should figure that out first. With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. We begin with a helpful guide to the league’s best quarterbacks. Ah ****. This isn't going to be good. 4: Christian Ponder: With an amazingly powerful arm, great vision, stunning accuracy, and countless dominant performances during big games, the Vikings quarterback has already proven that fact-checking has really gone downhill in this country. Look, we tried, OK? I really tried. I tried to track down an article (that wasn't from team-sanctioned Vikings.com blog) that would give Ponder his comeuppance. I ended up with this; a several weeks old article from a fake news source. That is the CLOSEST I could get to an article that not only went above and beyond talking about how good Ponder is, but even just showed him some basic respect. A fake news source. Of course, I only looked at like two options, but here we are. And I tried to like Ponder, to keep the dream of "untapped potential" alive for myself. But I couldn't do that either. I'm on board with people who say he needs more games, he needs to play AT LEAST half this year to determine whether he's the future for us or not. I have no problem with that. But I say that because I expect by our eighth game the Vikings will be as relevant as my crap ass playoff team, and the entire Vikings team will be tanking for a first round quarterback. Time to come up with a rhyming draft focus! Dammit ... This is so depressing. PROVE ME WRONG, PONDER, DEAR GOD PLEASE. [follow]
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Big Ten coaches opposed to 9-game conference schedule

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Hill arrested for reckless driving, clocked going 107 mph

Diamondbacks GM: Padres wanted Goldschmidt for Kimbrel

'Rowdy' Roddy Piper dead at 61

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Mets acquire Yoenis Cespedes from Tigers

Sheldon Richardson escapes felony charges for recent arrest

Lawyer who litigated against NFL: Brady plays every game

Cowboys should sign interested RB Steven Jackson

Jameis Winston confirmed as Buccaneers starting QB

Russell Wilson contract increases likelihood of change

Five potential NFL salary cap casualties this preseason

RB signed by Chiefs day after tweeting them highlight video

Evgeni Malkin had real penguins at his birthday party

Pirates do Pirates at deadline: Neat little moves

Jonathan Papelbon thinks he became ‘scapegoat’ for Phillies

Padres don’t sell at trade deadline, reportedly because AJ Preller still believes in team

First photos of Jason Pierre-Paul’s injured hand emerge

Stop kvetching about Notre Dame, please

Rebuttal banner supporting Tom Brady flies over Pats practice

Ranking the NFL’s 32 head coaches

LeSean McCoy cancels party, but it wasn't some 'weird orgy'

Redskins making huge mistake by signing Galette

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Five potential NFL salary cap casualties this preseason

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Pirates do Pirates at deadline: Neat little moves

Mets acquire Cespedes from Tigers

Ranking the NFL’s 32 head coaches

Five worst baseball trades since 2000

Examining the state of the NFL

Puig: Broke out of slump by playing baseball video games

Braves dump risk, exchange it for risk

David Price traded to Blue Jays

The indefensible Hulk Hogan

Cole Hamels chose Rangers over Astros

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker