Originally written January 31, 2012 on Purple Jesus Diaries:
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The Green Bay Packers are a young, stupid team that just won a Super Bowl. Ted Thompson, being a douche nose, probably takes full credit for all of this and thinks Jiggle-Jowls Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers all did their jobs better because of his generalish managing skills. Thompson was also recognized by Sporting News as the 2011 Executive of the Year, even though he couldn't draft an offensive line to stop a Giants pass rush, or a defensive backfield that could stop a Flutie-Manning hail mary at the end of the game. Still, GREAT FOOTBALL MOVES, TED.

You know who is someone who ISN'T impressed by this nonsense? ... Besides me and a stern looking Zoe Saldana, of course? Rick Spielman, player personnel and general manager guru:

Look at how Rick has just SLAUGHTERED these recent draft picks, and you tell me that Ted Thompson is any better:



TED THOMPSON

Draft highlights include:
  • 2011, DB Davon House in the 4th round. Never heard of him. Probably dead.
  • Drafted James Starks in the 6th round of 2010. Big deal. He fumbled a repeat Super Bowl appearance away for the Packers. Great pick!
  • Defensive End Mike Neal, second round pick in 2010, is someone whom I have never heard of and assume is white. If you take a white player in the second round, TED, you better be damn sure he's a quarterback, coach, or offensive linemen.
  • Spent a sixth round pick on defensive back Brandon Underwood in 2009. What a steal! And a domestic violence charge! Amazing!
  • Spent another sixth round pick on Jarius Wynn, DE, in 2009. More like Jarius LOSE. Even Brad Childress could find a good sixth round pick if he had as many chances in one year as Ted Thompson did.
  • Matt Flynn, QB, 7th round pick in 2008 looks really good! Except that he's a QB from LSU, and Jamarcus Russell tells me those picks are fail-proof, so, good luck. Also, he's worse than Matt Cassel.
  • The Packers again had three 6th round picks in 2007. Desmond Bishop, LB, and Mason Crosby, K, stuck. Big effing deal. Korey Hall, FB, might have done something once in a blackout dream, but so did Greg Blue. You don't see me fluffing my nuts to that pick, TED.
Whatever. If this draft record can walk away with Executive of the Year at Sporting News, imagine what Rick Spielman is deserving of?



RICK SPIELMAN

Check THIS **** out:
  • Brilliantly used a sixth round pick in 2011 on a player from a college called "Slippery Rock." That's worth the page views your website will receive (plus the additional ad revenue!) from perverts searching for porn sites.
  • Opened the 2010 draft by trading back with a team in your division so they could get a solid running back while you eventually picked up a player who now has a history of wanting to murder people in Chris Cook? PSYCHED YOU OUT, DETROIT!!
  • 2010? A nice good-will move to the mentally handicapped community by drafting a retarded player in the second round in RB Toby Gerhart. Ted Thompson wouldn't do that. Ted Thompson hates retards.
  • Uh, only just picked our quarterback of the future in the SIXTH ROUND in 2010 in Joe Webb!!! I MEAN COME ONE!! The Packers had to waste a first round pick on Rodgers! Nerds!
  • Wisely used a 5th round pick in 2010 on Nate Triplett, building strong local relations and boosting moral in the city for a new stadium this government session.
  • A 7th round pick in 2010 on a Guido? Uh, easy move. Totally great move to play into the "Jersey Shore" hype. Ted Thompson things the Jersey Shore is an actual beach, he's so out of touch.
  • Five picks in 2009 netted Percy Harvin, Phil Loadholt, Asher Allen, Jasper Brinkley, and Jamarca Sanford. UH, THOSE ARE ALL STARTERS TOO, SPORTING NEWS??!!
  • Not much needs to be said here: 2008, mini-camp all star, WR, Jaymar Johnson. BEST. PLAYER. EVER.
What else needs to be said? While that nerd Ted Thompson received 2011's Executive of the Year award, Rick Spielman is clearly on the way to a lifetime achievement award, which is SOO much more revered. Stupid Packers, they'll never understand.

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