Originally posted on Losers Bracket  |  Last updated 7/21/12

7/10/2012 – The New England Patriots Weight Room

Aaron Hernandez: I’m tellin’ ya, Tom. I really think I’m going to have a break out season this year. I know Rob gets all the hype, but I think if you start looking my way more often, I could really surprise some people.

Tom Brady: Huh? Ohh, umm, that’s nice Aaron.

Hernandez: Seriously dude, I mean it. I really think I can make some things happen if coach puts me in a little more and you just start looking my way. I was talking to my mom about it the other day, and she really thinks I can score a lot if I get more chances.

Brady: That’s weird, but yeah, I guess we’ll just see what happens. Just keep working hard, buddy.

Hernandez: You know what? I don’t think you’re taking me seriously, but I’m serious. Here’s watch this.

Hernandez drops to the ground and does 10 pushups.

Hernandez: There! Did you see that?! 10 pushups in no time! While Gronk has been out there drinking and doing sex with girls all off-season, I’ve been in here working hard to get better! I’m going to be great!

Brady: Umm, I-

A pint glass comes flying in through the door of the weight room and shatters on the wall behind Hernandez, soaking him with beer. In walks The Gronk.

The Gronk: Cover of The Body Issue, mother *******!

Hernandez: What the hell?

Brady: Brosef Stalin!

The Gronk: Sup, Bro Montana!?

Brady and The Gronk give each other a bro-hug. Real bro like and chill too.

Hernandez: Come on, you guys. This is a place of business. Some of us are trying to get our lift on in here!

The Gronk: Oh, ****! Sup, *****? I didn’t even see you there. You must have been hiding behind all of those cartoons that you drew on yourself.

Hernandez: For your information, Rob, these are tattoos, and they all have special importance to me. And I’m not a *****, I’m a pro athlete just like you. But I’m actually working to get bigger and stronger this off-season, unlike somebody here!

The Gronk throws a copy of “The Body Issue” at Hernandez.

The Gronk: Check that **** out, *****. Does it look like I need to do anymore work on my body?! I was carved out of the very image of Bro-Zeus himself! The only work I need to be doing right now is between the sheets, on the beach, in the hot tub, in the basement of a frat house, on a Boston rooftop, or where ever else the next piece of hot, young tail leads me!

The Gronk and Brady exchange a bro-five.

Hernandez: Are you two serious?! You’re just lucky I’m working so hard in here so that if you get hurt, I’ll be there to fill the void.

The Gronk: Whatever, douchsicle. Dude, Bro-Brady, you should have seen this ****, dawg. A couple of months ago, I was down in Aruba and these two pieces of pure ass fell right into my lap. They said they were 18, but I heard one of them talk about getting her license when she got home after I finished bangin’ em both. I have no idea how old they actually were, but that **** happened in Aruba, so who ******’ cares, bro?!

Hernandez: Ugh, that’s just sick.

The Gronk: Now you’re gettin’ it! It was ******’ sick! Railin’ tail, drinkin’ ale! The bro-life, bro!

Brady: God damn I wish I was young again! Now I’m tied down by my 2nd model-wife and a ******’ family at home. I wish I could still bro-down with you out there, but you’re just going to have to do double duty for me.

The Gronk: Aww damn, bro. That would be so sick!

Brady: I know, I know. Oh well. I’m outta here. Later, Brosef!

They exchange one more super-chill bro-hug. Brady leaves.

Hernandez: Umm, Rob, you know, if you’re looking for somebody to “hit the town” with, I don’t have anything going on tonig-

The Gronk: [Sticks his fingers in his ears.] La La La La La I can’t hear you, bro! La La La La La La…

The Gronk walks out of the locker room with his fingers in his ears as he continues to make noise.

Hernandez: [sighs]

The Gronk pokes his head back into the weight room.

The Gronk: Oh, yeah. You can keep The Body Issue. It’ll give you something to aspire to. Besides, I’ve got a mirror so I can look at that **** all day long. *****!!!

The Gronk leaves.

(provided by my twitterpal: @datpuffy)
check him out if you have time.

All I wanna do is zooma zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom, just shake your Gronk.

Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Russian weightlifting team banned from Rio

Wade says Riley did not push him out of Miami

Nationals among multiple teams inquiring on Mark Melancon

McClain does not show up for Cowboys’ training camp

Andre Johnson agrees to two-year deal with Titans


Redskins GM injures hand punching wall in frustration

Report: Aldon Smith checks into rehab

McCarthy discusses 'urgency’ to win another title with Rodgers

Report: Lions extend CB Darius Slay with $50 million deal

Adam Jones: Bengals dominated Steelers in playoff game

Robert Griffin III on QB battle: Only one of us runs 4.3

Texas A&M creates a very sexist version of their fight song for women

Brown, Marshall are apparently serious about their car bet

Lacy, Starks could split carries to start season

Cyborg Santos post-surgery skull photos are eerie

Dr. Phil calls out the Patriots for their cheating ways

Hockey team unveils Clinton, Trump bobbleheads

Bennett compares chemistry with Pats QBs to his love life

Crowell still making amends for controversial Instagram post

Report: LeBron urged Justin Bieber not to perform at RNC

Luck refutes Matt Hasselbeck’s assertion he never showers

Newspaper editor explains use of Jordan meme for MJ article

Five NFL teams set to underachieve in 2016

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Dr. Phil calls out the Patriots for their cheating ways

Everything that's already gone wrong at the Rio Olympics

Amar'e Stoudemire's presence (and absence) changed the NBA

We asked Team USA: What other Olympic sport would you play?

Why Gary Bettman's CTE denial is cause for concern for NHL

WATCH: Inside the Nike SNKRS BOX in SF for Golden Air Celebration

WATCH: Five other uniforms Chris Sale should cut up

QUIZ: Name every Olympic event in which the USA has never won a gold medal

Five U.S. Olympians favored to win multiple gold medals

WATCH: What teams should join the Big 12?

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Follow Yardbarker