Originally posted on Awful Announcing  |  Last updated 5/7/12

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - AUGUST 29: Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants looks to throw a pass against the New York Jets on August 29, 2009 at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

This past weekend, Giants quarterback Eli Manning became the 35th sports figure to host NBC's "Saturday Night Live." Here's a breakdown of Eli's first performance, along with video and sketch-by-sketch performance ratings on a scale of 1-10.

The monologue: 5/10 -- Eli really struggled out of the gate. His first two jokes -- "After two Super Bowls, this is definitely the third most exciting night of my life" and "We had a big parade downtown where we took the Lombardi Trophy into the heart of the city, and now we have no idea where it is" -- were particularly weak. He was quite awkward and spoke over applause. He did, however, loosen up a bit during a self-deprecating Q&A session with cast members posing as members of the audience. This is the toughest part of hosting the show, and the Louisiana boy did a decent job poking fun at his own lack of New York knowledge.

Motion Capture: 8/10 -- His first sketch of the night was easily the winner. Playing himself in a video game motion capture session, Eli was again self deprecating as he attempted to mime signature celebration moves. He's not an overly funny guy, but he seems to excel in physical comedy. (See: Football Cops.)

Text Message Evidence: 7/10 -- Playing a man on trial for murder, Manning was again cast as sort of a fool, and he once again thrived. (Sensing a pattern here?) In this case, his character is a serial booty-texting horndog. The funniest part was when, on the stand, Manning was asked to perform the emoticons from his texts. Thank goodness Brett Favre wasn't hosting this week.

Little Brothers: 6/10 -- This is the sketch that's getting the most attention in the media, but it's really just a less funny version of brother Peyton's fantastic United Way parody from 2007. The highlight was when Eli, who helps little brothers gain revenge on bullying big brothers, called one of the tormented older brothers "Peyton." The response: "My name's not Peyton!"

What Is This?: 5/10 -- Eli plays a standoffish boyfriend who won't commit to the host of a game show in which contestants have to identify basic items. It's not even worth getting into, because it was a dumb idea for a sketch and it was completely unfunny. But that's not really Eli's fault.

Helga Lately: 5/10 -- This was really the only time all night in which Manning was cast in a completely positive light. But as a soccer-playing guest on a faux Swedish version of "Chelsea Lately," he wasn't asked to do anything more than rhyme off some gibberish. 

Miss Drag World: 1/10 -- Obviously you can see where this one's going. Eli in drag. That's pretty much all that needs to be said.

TCM Comedy: Cheech and Chong: 6/10 -- Eli plays the forgotten third wheel of the "Cheech and Chong" films -- a wet blanket who doesn't do drugs. "I have a scholarship to Indiana University. I cannot be around drugs." Because he appears to be one in real life, he's pretty decent at playing a straight edge. Although maybe Archie Manning would have been a better fit for Cheech & Chong...

In conclusion: The overall performance was pretty much what I expected from Eli. Nothing hilarious (I laughed out loud once or twice) and no memorable lines, but not a complete disaster either. In terms of rating Eli's overall performance, it was somewhere between Matt Cassel and Matt Hasselbeck. Overall: 5.5/10

Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Odell Beckham Jr.: Prima donna nickname 'doesn't bother me'

Curtis Granderson downplays Matt Harvey’s tardiness

LeBron on Cavs: I will lead this team, but I don’t have to carry it

Jim Tomsula: ‘I want a confident’ Colin Kaepernick

Bill Belichick: Brandon Weeden 'can make all the throws'

Chip Kelly: Eagles coaching staff to blame for slow start


Tom Brady: I don't care about Greg Hardy's personal feelings

Report: Odell Beckham Jr. fined for punching Bills safety

Tannehill admits to beefing with practice squad players

Arian Foster to have increased workload against Colts

Rob Gronkowski will go off if Sean Lee can’t play

Roddy White backs off criticism of role in Falcons offense

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

NFL through Week 4: What do we know?

NFL extends international series through 2025

5 players who can win the NHL MVP this season

Warriors take next step in effort to build San Francisco arena

Greg Hardy: Ready to come out ‘guns blazing’ post-suspension

Report: CC Sabathia already at Connecticut rehab facility

NHL hockey is back and that’s awesome

Jake Arrieta's sweet ... sinker?

10 matchups to watch during NFL Week 5

Top 10 storylines for Week 6 of the college football season

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Follow Yardbarker