[NFL Ministry of Culture]
Sentry: Authorized visitor in Sector 23819. Open cell!
Guard: Opening cell!
[Cell door opens, pained groans emanate from within]
Roger Goodell: Are we awake?
M.I.A.: Uggghhhh… where am I?
Goodell: I’ll ask the questions.
M.I.A.: This is bullsh*t. You can’t hold me. I have rights. People will find out about this. They’ll -
Goodell: Subdue the prisoner.
[Guard chokes her with NFL-branded nightstick]
Goodell: I can do as I please. Tell me, Ms. – ahem – Arulpragasam, is it? How was a performer of your artistic integrity or relevance able to gain entry to the most important and tightly controlled entertainment spectacle in the world?
M.I.A.: Madonna invited me.
Goodell: Liar.
M.I.A.: She did. Ask her.
Goodell: LISTEN, I WILL BULLDOZE SRI LANKA RIGHT NOW. YOUR HOMELAND WILL BE A PERMANENT PRO BOWL SITE IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME THE ANSWERS I WANT.
M.I.A.: Fine. Me said me was Jessie J.
Goodell: And they believed you?
M.I.A....
Original Story:
