Originally written on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 5/8/12

I’ve completely run out of ways to defend you Tom. I’ve taken bullets for you left and right, but this latest stunt of yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. There’s nothing else I can do.

It was bad enough that I tried to tell people “The camera just caught him at the wrong moment” when you were filmed on a water slide auditioning for a tampon commercial.  When you had our hair down to your shoulders and started acting like an adult Justin Bieber, I told everyone that you were like Samson, and you held your power in you hair. Then you went out and lost the Super Bowl.

Now? You roll on to the red carpet looking like David Beckham’s pubes, and you expect me to defend you again? Tom, I’m exhausted. I’m amazed that with that haircut you aren’t smoking long cigarettes and beginning a new career peddling women in the underground European sex trade.

Is Gisele that controlling, or do you just feel like your stunning good looks are enough to overcome any level of douchebaggery? Well Tom, not today. Maybe if you pulled this crap in 2004 I could have lived with it. Today I take a stand. Until you start winning Super Bowls again, there is no excuse for you walking around like you just finished playing in finals of La Liga and are now headed over Cristiano Ronaldo’s penthouse to “listen to house music.”

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Spurs, Leonard working on max deal

Ex-Cowboy indicted on sexual assault charges

Report: Kevin Love to meet with Lakers

Carli Lloyd sends USWNT to World Cup final

Auburn, Oregon to open 2019 season at AT&T Stadium

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Butler can’t sign one-year contract unless it’s with Bulls

DeAndre Jordan wants 4-year deal, bigger offensive role

Kings reportedly looking into viability of firing Karl

Jim Brown: I ‘encourage and support’ Johnny Manziel

Vincent criticizes NFLPA over spending millions on lawsuits

MLB urges Supreme Court to deny San Jose's A's appeal

Report: Pelicans sign Davis to five-year, $145M extension

Jose Aldo out of UFC 189, replaced by Chad Mendes

Landon Donovan takes shot at Jurgen Klinsmann

Hope Solo admits to using stalling tactics on penalty kick

Scottie Pippen: ‘I was LeBron James before LeBron James’

Feud between Scioscia and Dipoto makes Angels fascinating case study

WATCH: Jim Harbaugh throws out first pitch at Tigers game

MLB’s All-Star roster will now announced be over two days

Blackhawks trade Brandon Saad to the Blue Jackets

Blatter won’t attend World Cup final due to ‘personal reasons’

Sharks have found their starting goalie by acquiring Jones

Fan who caught A-Rod’s 3,000th says he’s received threats

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Lloyd sends USWNT to World Cup final

Selecting the 2015 AL All-Stars

NBA Draft grades: Eastern Conference

Under the radar NBA free agents

Michael Sam, boyfriend broke up?

Mickelson linked to money laundering?

Reminiscing on 'Love & Basketball' 15 years later

Selecting the 2015 NL All-Stars

The Sixers' latest horde

Projected landing spots for NBA's top free agents

MLB changes format for Home Run Derby

Revis to work out with Patriots DBs

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.