Originally written on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 5/8/12

I’ve completely run out of ways to defend you Tom. I’ve taken bullets for you left and right, but this latest stunt of yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. There’s nothing else I can do.

It was bad enough that I tried to tell people “The camera just caught him at the wrong moment” when you were filmed on a water slide auditioning for a tampon commercial.  When you had our hair down to your shoulders and started acting like an adult Justin Bieber, I told everyone that you were like Samson, and you held your power in you hair. Then you went out and lost the Super Bowl.

Now? You roll on to the red carpet looking like David Beckham’s pubes, and you expect me to defend you again? Tom, I’m exhausted. I’m amazed that with that haircut you aren’t smoking long cigarettes and beginning a new career peddling women in the underground European sex trade.

Is Gisele that controlling, or do you just feel like your stunning good looks are enough to overcome any level of douchebaggery? Well Tom, not today. Maybe if you pulled this crap in 2004 I could have lived with it. Today I take a stand. Until you start winning Super Bowls again, there is no excuse for you walking around like you just finished playing in finals of La Liga and are now headed over Cristiano Ronaldo’s penthouse to “listen to house music.”

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Ronda Rousey knocks out Bethe Correia in 34 seconds

Von Miller earns dismissal from NFL’s drug program

Ian Kennedy watches birth of daughter on FaceTime before start

Matt Williams wants Bryce Harper to stop getting ejected

Five most underrated players in the NFL

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Larry Lucchino stepping down as Red Sox CEO

Las Vegas Mob Museum to open FIFA corruption exhibit

Does NFL have a motive to settle with Tom Brady?

Big Ten coaches opposed to 9-game conference schedule

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Hill arrested for reckless driving, clocked going 107 mph

Danny Garcia beats Paulie Malignaggi, remains undefeated

Bobby Wagner, Seahawks agree to contract extension

Blount won't talk about reported failed conditioning test

Greg Hardy helps pay Cowboys fans to fly anti-Eagles banner

Report: 7-foot Aussie center to join Kentucky's 2015 class

Eagles trade CB Brandon Boykin to Steelers

Jack Del Rio: Crabtree ‘stood out’ at first Raiders camp practice

Browns owner: ‘We haven’t given up on Johnny Manziel’

Junior Seau’s daughter will speak at Hall of Fame induction

Golden State Warriors: the rich get richer

NFL, Brady could settle to avoid appeal documents going public

Miguel Herrera apologizes for costly Philly airport fight

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Five most underrated players in the NFL

Five potential NFL salary cap casualties this preseason

Winners and losers of the 2015 MLB trade deadline

Pirates do Pirates at deadline: Neat little moves

Mets acquire Cespedes from Tigers

Ranking the NFL’s 32 head coaches

Five worst baseball trades since 2000

Examining the state of the NFL

Puig: Broke out of slump by playing baseball video games

Braves dump risk, exchange it for risk

David Price traded to Blue Jays

The indefensible Hulk Hogan

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker