Originally posted on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 5/8/12

I’ve completely run out of ways to defend you Tom. I’ve taken bullets for you left and right, but this latest stunt of yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. There’s nothing else I can do.

It was bad enough that I tried to tell people “The camera just caught him at the wrong moment” when you were filmed on a water slide auditioning for a tampon commercial.  When you had our hair down to your shoulders and started acting like an adult Justin Bieber, I told everyone that you were like Samson, and you held your power in you hair. Then you went out and lost the Super Bowl.

Now? You roll on to the red carpet looking like David Beckham’s pubes, and you expect me to defend you again? Tom, I’m exhausted. I’m amazed that with that haircut you aren’t smoking long cigarettes and beginning a new career peddling women in the underground European sex trade.

Is Gisele that controlling, or do you just feel like your stunning good looks are enough to overcome any level of douchebaggery? Well Tom, not today. Maybe if you pulled this crap in 2004 I could have lived with it. Today I take a stand. Until you start winning Super Bowls again, there is no excuse for you walking around like you just finished playing in finals of La Liga and are now headed over Cristiano Ronaldo’s penthouse to “listen to house music.”

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Sanu: Halftime show played role in Super Bowl collapse

Report: Rams, Clippers discussing NBA venue in Inglewood

Terrence Jones reportedly interested in joining Celtics

LeBron reverses course, says he ‘always felt good’ about Cavs

Report: Ole Miss tried to implicate Mississippi State in football scandal

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jamaal Charles could be on the roster bubble

Jimmy Butler on state of Bulls: ‘I just want to win at all costs’

Report: Giants will be ‘aggressive’ in trying to sign Jason Pierre-Paul

Report: Porzingis avoided ligament damage in ankle

Brooks Koepka meltdown includes whiff, stomping head off driver

Report: 49ers could talk trade for QB at the NFL Scouting Combine

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Box Score 2/24: A night of NBA disrespect

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

The Aesthetic: Pushing the boundaries of the three-pointer

NBA coaches who should be fired soon

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

QUIZ: Name every MLB pitcher who has recorded 10 or more shutouts in a single season

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker