In the hecticness of last week, I forgot to do these. I know. How did the Earth not fall off its axis? I asked the same thing. That's why I made twice the effort in this week's power rankings. Sadly, any number multiplied by zero equals zero, so you're getting the same turd you'd usually get. 1. New Orleans Saints (12-0) -- In a way, I want to see the Saints and Colts finish 16-0 and make the Super Bowl just to diminish the 18-0 (1) season of the Patriots.
2. Indianapolis Colts (12-0) -- Also, if the Saints and Colts get past this week, 16-0 might be a lock for both of them, even with Jim Sorgi playing more than Peyton Manning. Reminder: Check to see who has Manning/Addai/Wayne in your fantasy league and pray you're playing against them in the playoffs.
3. Minnesota Vikings (10-2) -- How delightful would it be if Brett Favre's season ended with a pick-six in overtime against the Packers in the playoffs? If only it could happen in Green Bay.
4. San Diego Chargers (9-3) -- I guess we're going to have to wait till the playoffs for Norvell to screw this up.
5. Cincinnati Bengals (9-3) -- OK. We broke up when they signed Larry Johnson, but we're back together again. The sex defense is just too good to resist.
6. Arizona Cardinals (8-4) -- It's almost like people forget how close this team came to winning a Super Bowl last year, then get reminded when they get a nice win.
7. Philadelphia Eagles (8-4) -- I'm still not sold. I feel like they can win any game by 30 and lose the same game by 20.
8. Denver Broncos (8-4) -- Just when you think they're out, they pull you back in. That's what she said.
9. Dallas Cowboys (8-4) -- You know the Cowboys are doomed when Tony Romo is carving up teams in December but they're still losing.
10. New England Patriots (7-5) -- Someone needs to get Bill Belichick's camera to the repair shop ASAP. It's almost like the defense doesn't know what plays are coming anymore.
11. New York Giants (7-5) -- The defense continues to be a mess, but if they can keep it together an win this week against the Eagles, they will be in control of the NFC East (Dallas ain't beating San Diego).
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5) -- I'd love to explain this team's success, but I'd also like to lick cinnamon sugar off Heidi Klum's stomach. I can do neither.
13. Green Bay Packers (7-5) -- Before last night, I never really thought about all the white linebackers on this team. It's like watching a football team from the 1930s.
14. Miami Dolphins (6-6) -- Tony Sparano won't win coach of the year, but he should.
15. Baltimore Ravens (6-6) -- I wanted to make out with this team four games into the season. Now I can't even make eye contact with them when I see them around the office.
16. Atlanta Falcons (6-6) -- This was a playoff team before Tony Gonzalez got there. Coincidence? Yeah.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-6) -- I want to write them off, but I don't even know what a write-off is. Kidding. I've written them off.
18. Tennessee Titans (5-7) -- It was a good run. At least Vince Young looks like he can play in the NFL. He'll be a nice sleeper pick in fantasy next year.
19. New York Jets (6-6) -- There is something wrong in the NFL when this team is 6-6 and a win away from a division title.
20. Houston Texans (5-7) -- While I'd love to be the GM of the Raiders, I'd love to coach the Texans. Nothing more tragic than wasted talent.
21. Carolina Panthers (5-7) -- Matt Moore. Not as terrible as Jake Delhomme.
22. Chicago Bears (5-7) -- Better coach? Lovie Smith or Lovie from Gilligans Island?
23. San Francisco 49ers (5-7) -- This team is a quarterback away from being in the playoffs.
24. Seattle Seahawks (4-8) -- I'll say it again. Blow this team up. And stop giving Julius Jones the ball.
25. Oakland Raiders (4-8) -- I sure hope there's an out-clause in the contract of JaMarcus Russell.
26. Buffalo Bills (4-8) -- Move to Toronto.
27. Washington Redskins (3-9) -- I like what the Skins are doing. Playing well enough to show management they can win, but still losing in order to get rid of Jim Zorn.
28. Kansas City Chiefs (3-9) -- Haley's vomit.
29. St. Louis Rams (1-11) -- If you're the Rams, do you take Shalammalammadingdong Suh or Sam Bradford with the first pick?
30. Detroit Lions (2-10) -- The Lions make the playoffs next season. You heard it here first. Or maybe you heard it somewhere else. You can expect me to monitor your reading habits.
31. Tampa Bay Bucs (1-11) -- Bucs? More like sucks!
32. Cleveland Browns (1-11) -- At least Brady Quinn looks OK. Get a new coach in there next season and they could be looking at five wins! Yay!
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