TEAMS: Cincinnati Bengals, Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Giants

Blaine Gabbert would be the worst quarterback in the NFL if the New York Giants did not exist. 23 completions for 186 yards. Dude, AIR IT OUT! You literally have nothing to lose. Any win is a bonus. I pondered whether you would win any games this season. You have already far exceeded my expectations. So why are you so terrified to air it out? Is this how you played at Mizzou? Just constant check downs and five yard comebacks? Every first down the Jaguars have should result in a Gabbert heave. What’s the worst that could happen? Interception? So what. Same thing as a punt. Which the Jags do plenty of anyways. Best case scenario? Cecil Shorts III touchdown.
That’s what I can’t understand about these mediocre teams. Why even show up if you’re going to play as if you know the game is already lost? Mix it up. Get creative. It will be like when T.J. Mowry played the computer in chess on the hit 90s sitcom “Smart Guy”. There was no chance he was going to beat that computer, much like Ken Jennings couldn’t beat Watson the computer on Jeopardy. Luckily for T.J., it wasn’t a matter of simply answering questions but twas a game of strategy. T.J. found out a diabolical plan when playing his dolt of an older brother – Marcus. Marcus hadn’t the slightest of clues how to get down on a chess board. His strategy had no rhyme or reason. He barely knew how he was able to move the pieces. Since T.J. was a genius, he realized the nonsensical, aimless strategy could trip up the computer which was programmed with traditional techniques. The strategy obviously worked and T.J. won the strippers and blow (or whatever the prize was, my memory is blurred on that detail).

I could continue to wax nostalgic about the greatness which was “Smart Guy”, but who has the time. What it all boils down to is this: Jacksonville needs to stop pretending to be T.J. and focus on playing their part like Marcus. Complete and utter randomness mixed with some chaos and you got yourself a winner. Because the longer the Jaguars keep getting stomped out by the Watson’s of the world trying to replicate Ken Jennings, the less amusing it becomes.
If Jacksonville goes out there and plays like Shawn Hunter and Corey Matthews on High School Quiz Show, they may change the game completely (That’s an analogy and a half. If you don’t get it, you’ve never watched “Boy Meets World.” And if you never watched BMW, I want nothing to do with you because you are likely a psychopath or a murderer or some sort of terrible degenerate because you never learned vital life lessons from the Matthews’, Lawrence’s, Hunter’s, or George Feeny. Even the blind guy from “Becker” was dropping gems on that show.)
Bengals don’t have much to work on other than smacking Law Firm in the head. Two fumbles in two games after none in his entire life? Yeah, someone needs to smack him. That stuff didn’t fly in New England. No idea why Marvin Lewis is letting it go in Cincinatti.

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October 01, 2012


