Originally written on StraitPinkie.com  |  Last updated 11/20/14

NEW JERSEY - NOVEMBER 11, 2007: Jared Lorenzen #13 of the New York Giants high fives his teammates during the NFL game against the Dallas Cowboys at Giants Stadium on November 11, 2007 in Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

He weighs over 300 pounds. He’s been Kentucky’s Mr. Football, an MVP, and a Commissioner. Some have even wondered if his stomach has its own gravitational pull. He’s the most interesting man that ever threw a pass for Rich Brooks. He is Jared Lorenzen.

We don’t know if he drinks Dos Equis, but less than a decade ago, Lorenzen cemented himself as a Kentucky legend. In high school, at Highlands, he lettered in the three major sports and earned the title of Mr. Football, caught the eye of then coach Hal Mumme, and became a Kentucky Wildcat. In college, his strong arm and excessive girth earned him many nicknames, including “The Hefty Lefty”, “Pillsbury Throwboy”, and “Qbese”. What many people tend to forget is that his strong arm also earned him some successful seasons as the Wildcats’ signal-caller.

In 2002, Lorenzen had his best statistical season, throwing for 24 TD and only 5 INT, culminating in a solid QB rating of 135.4 and a winning record for the Cats. Though the team was in its punishment phase following the Mumme regime, Lorenzen made Kentucky football fun to watch for his four years. He was fat, yes, but also beloved by the fans. When he wasn’t making players from Middle Tennessee State regret picking a fight with him, he was making defensive backs regret underestimating his ability to throw the rock. Lorenzen, not to be outdone by the likes of Tebow and Cam Newton, was also a very versatile quarterback in the vaunted SEC. After all, he did have six career punts –what a hybrid!

After leaving Kentucky, though, Lorenzen quickly faded into obscurity. His brief stint as Eli Manning’s back-up in New York did give him a championship ring, but he finished his NFL career with less than stellar stats. Lorenzen retired with eight career passes, completing four of them for 28 yards, and scoring a total of one fantasy point. He didn’t even get to punt.

Excepting those who follow Kentucky alumni with a fierce eye, most forgot about Jared Lorenzen for a while. Occasionally, he would rise as the butt of an analyst’s joke, but few knew where Lorenzen had truly gone beyond the NFL. It turns out he’s been busy doing what he loves most –football. Since leaving the NFL, Jared Lorenzen has become a staple of the NFL’s favorite third-cousin –the Ultimate Indoor Football League (UIFL).

His rise in the UIFL has to be an unprecedented journey in pro sports. Within the scope of a single year, he was the MVP of the league and ascended to the position of the league’s commissioner in the offseason. Though the Northern Kentucky River Monsters will miss their star quarterback, the league can rejoice in having the best large leader since President Taft graced the Oval Office. Lorenzen, not to be limited in his post-professional career, is also the current quarterback coach at his alma mater, Highlands High School.

Some quarterbacks can never escape the limelight. Every time Brett Favre gets on a tractor, there is an ESPN analyst ready to ask him if he is planning to join the latest team to lose a player to injury. Jared Lorenzen took a different path. After a prolific college career, Lorenzen quickly faded from view as his style of play didn’t transfer to the NFL. The cameras stopped flashing. But Jared didn’t stop playing. He never left football’s side. Though the UIFL isn’t the most prestigious sports league in America (good luck catching a game on Fox Sports), Lorenzen has found an outlet for his passion and is doing what he always did at Kentucky –leading the way, even if it is unconventional.

It takes more than food to quell the Hefty Lefty’s appetite. He needs football. If it couldn’t be the NFL, Wildcats fans should rejoice that, at least, he’s still in the game. The coach that recruited him, Hal Mumme, always preached the mantra to “play the next play”. Lorenzen isn’t dwelling in a failed NFL career –he’s simply doing what he knows –moving on to the next play.

  • Digg this!
  • Share this on Reddit
  • Share this on Facebook
  • Tweet This!
  • Buzz up!
  • Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon
  • Share this on Mixx
  • Share this on Linkedin
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Three quarterbacks who could be traded this offseason

Wolves trade Corey Brewer to the Rockets

Yankees trade Prado to Marlins for Eovaldi in 5-player deal

Brandon Browner fined $8K for throwing Brandon Gibson to turf

Report: Sharper, NFLers called spiked drinks 'horny juice'

Rex Ryan: My wife could coach Tom Brady

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jim Harbaugh won in laser tag by 'hunting' 10-year-old kid

Eddie Lacy is ‘very blind,’ refuses to wear goggles

Michael Phelps pleads guilty to DUI, gets probation

NFL scouts not in love with Amari Cooper?

Report: No teams interested in trading for Lance Stephenson

It is not Chip Kelly's fault if Eagles miss playoffs

Video: Grizzlies buy car for assistant who had his stolen

Video: LeBron takes pass to the face from Dion Waiters

New video of Ray Rice incident emerges

President Obama calls James Franco “James Flacco”

NBA games of the weekend: Rondo's Dallas debut, Bulls-Grizz

Tuscaloosa students will have two days off if Bama plays in National Championship

Brady scares the **** out of his teammates celebrating

Longhorn Network’s yule log? Five hours of BEVO

Will a Chiefs WR finally catch a TD in Week 16?

Jon Lester and the Cubs

The Toronto Raptors reveal their new logo

Things Johnny Manziel, Browns can do to avoid a bad repeat

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Three quarterbacks who could be traded this offseason

Jon Lester and the Cubs

Report: NFL players used 'horny juice'

Top 10 worst NBA related commercials of all-time

Phelps gets probation for DUI

NFL coaches on hot seat in Week 16

The Roy Williams-Terrell Owens horse collar turns 10

Most underpaid NFL players in 2014

Gronk jokes about Brady compliment

In Matt Kemp, did the Dodgers find a pigeon in Padres?

Why the Saints are legit playoff threat

Impact of U.S.-Cuba relations on MLB

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.