Why Your Team Sucks: Houston Texans

Some people are fans of the Houston Texans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Houston Texans. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. 1. They still haven't told everyone to go **** themselves. If you recall, it was everyone – you, me, your gay uncle, your biological dad who now lives in Haiti – who cruelly mocked the Texans for drafting defensive end Mario Williams first overall in 2006 instead of Vince Young or Reggie Bush. Even Chuck Klosterman stopped listening to Ratt records in an ironically sincere manner to pile on, busting out the ALL CAPS… REGGIE BUSH IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TACKLE. HE IS WAY, WAY BETTER THAN ALL OF THE OTHER DUDES WHO ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE DRAFTED. WHEN REGGIE BUSH IS RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL, THOSE ATTEMPTING TO KNOCK HIM TO THE GROUND CANNOT SEEM TO DO SO. THIS QUALITY IS ADVANTAGEOUS WITHIN THE GAME OF FOOTBALL, AS THAT IS PRETTY MUCH THE TOTALITY OF THE SPORT. Obviously, this decision is wolf-face crazy. It's ...