Originally posted on Midway Illustrated  |  Last updated 11/21/12
I’m so excited I’m about to stroke out.  Or maybe it’s the sugar high from the cupcake I just ate.  Or both.  The Bears kick off. Tedd Ginn Jr. returns it to the 18.  The Bears defense is ready to murder Colin Kaepernick, filling in for the concussed Alex Smith.  The 49ers move into Bears territory on a cleverly designed pass play to Vernon Davis from a jumbo formation. Kaepernick is 3 for 3 now.  49ers knocking on the door of the red zone.  3rd and 1 at the Bears’ 14.  Kaepernick overthrows a well-covered Vernon Davis on a play action pass to the end zone.  Excellent job by Lance Briggs keeping up with Davis downfield, creating a tighter throwing window for Kaepernick.  David Akers converts a kick from 32 yards out.  49ers lead 3-0.  Touchback.  Bears start from the 20. Bad news:  Jason Campbell sacked on 3rd and 2.  Good news:  Alshon Jeffery is back and healthy!  Podlesh continues to struggle, with a 37 yard punt, net of 33.  But fortunately, the 49ers get whistled for a holding penalty.  Still good field position for the enemy, at their own 37. Stephen Paea just blew up a Gore run for a 6 yard loss on 2nd and 1.  Get you some! Outstanding pass protection from the Niners’ o-line.  Kaepernick hits the NFC title game goat, Kyle Williams, for a 57 yard gain to the 2.  1st and goal.  Play action.  Kaepernick hits Vernon Davis for an easy score.  10-0, 49ers.  I’m getting angry and might need another cupcake.  And definitely another beer.  Bears ball.  Forte picks up a first down after strong back-to-back carries.  Welcome back, Alshon Jefery.  You were dearly missed.  Jeffery with a 9 yard reception up to the 39.  3rd and 1.  Forte blasts through for a key first down.  Slowing down the Niners’ momentum a bit.  I’ll take it. Patrick Willis breaks up a 3rd and 9 pass to Forte over the middle.  The way this defense is playing, 10 points might be enough for the Niners to win the game.  Urge to drink heavily… rising. Podlesh pins San Francisco inside their own 3 yard line.  Time for the Bears D to take over and start scoring touchdowns.  Might be the only way the Bears get on the board tonight.     Randy Moss just made a catch, and Kaepernick is 8 for 9.  Grumble grumble. Make that 9 for 10.  Vernon Davis again, all the way to the 33.  Gore gashes for a first down.  I’m having nightmare flashbacks to the 1995 NFC divisional playoffs:   49ers - 44, Bears - 15.  At least that massacre wasn’t surprising.  Niners a run a read option to Hunter up the middle and basically untouched for a 14 yard touchdown.  This is despicable.  97 yard drive and it’s 17-0, Merciless Killers.  Jason Campbell throws an interception on a shoddily executed out pattern by Devin Hester.  Hester doesn’t have the size to be anything other than precise with his routes, especially on the sideline.  So why call that play there?  Surely there was another option somewhere on the play, but I definitely had an anger blackout and missed the replay.  DRINK! Major Wright misses a tackle on 3rd and 11, and surrenders a 1st down to Michael Crabtree.  Sack!  A glimmer of hope, although Kaepernick managed to hang onto the ball.  Akers boots another field goal through the uprights, burying the Bears in a 20-0 hole.
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