Originally written on Midway Illustrated  |  Last updated 9/10/12

Andrew Zeoli shares his in game thoughts (literally) during the Bears' victory over the Colts.  No he's not out of his mind he's just what a lot of Bears fans truly are, and who can blame him?  If you've lived in Chicago or have taken to rooting for a Chicago team you're likely a lot like a Swerski Super Fan.

 

 

 12:02 PM Central:

 

THIS.  IS.  REAL.  Adam Vinatieri kicks off to Devin Hester, who returns it to the 15 yard line as I take my first swig of the sweet elixir of life:  BEER.

Sack.  False start.  2 yard gain.  Incomplete.  Punt.

 

The Colts start from midfield.  Get ready to wet yourself, Luck!  The Bears defense came to feed.

3rd and 3.  Pressure pressure pressure pressure… Incomplete!

 

Unfortunately, the Colts pin us back deep at our own 4.  Time to dig out the old Sexy Rexy motto:  “F—k it, I’m going deep!”

 

Or not.  Tice calls what looked like a wheel route to Forte with a pick from Marshall on a quick slant.  But the pick failed to take out a defender, and linebacker Jerrell Freeman reads Cutler perfectly and intercepts his soft, telegraphed pass for a Colts touchdown.  7-0, Bad Guys.  Too early to start drinking heavily?  No.  Never.

 

Bears ball.  Cutler picks up a huge first down on a roll-out pass away from pressure to new toy Brandon Marshall.

 

Forte breaks off a 30-ish yard run off-tackle on a 2nd and 10.  Bears in business now.

 

Bears get bailed out by a pass interference on 3rd and 10, one play after a near-INT in the end zone.

 

Forte bobs and weaves down to the 3,  First and goal BEARS BEARS BEARS.

 

Timeout Bears.  Cutler is pissed about something.  Appeared to be trying to quiet the crowd.  I love pissed-off Cutler.

 

Pass Interference on a toss to Marshall in the end zone.  This man is uncoverable.

 

TOUCHDOWN BEARS!  Michael Bush blasts in from 2 yards out for his first touchdown as a Bear.  It… moved.  You know of what I speak.

All tied up at 7, midway through the first.  Colts ball.

 

CRUNCH.  Da Bears stuff Donald Brown in the backfield for a loss.  This just in:  Donald Brown is not good at his job.

 

Shea McClellin pressures Luck into an overthrow on 3rd and 4, and the Bears are getting the ball back.  Already loving that draft pick.  Phil Emery is a wizard.

3-and-out for the Bears.  Colts get it back.

 

Donald Brown drops a first down pass.  Worst player in the NFL?  Yeah, probably.

 

Bears get pinned back at the 4 again.  Really need to reverse this godawful field position.

 

End of 1st quarter.  7-7.

 

Brandon Marshall makes a sweet catch, tip-toeing the sideline and absorbing contact for a first down.  Followed by a huge gain to Hester.

 

Forte just made a ludicrous one-handed catch and rambled down to the 3.  I shall name a child Forte, or LaForte if it’s a girl.

 

TOUCHDOWN BEARS!  Brandon Marshall with his first of millions of touchdowns to follow with the Bears.  14-7 Chicago.

 

INTERCEPTION!  Tim Jennings with a leaping pick.  The athleticism on this team stimulates me to no end.  Am I really watching the Chicago Bears right now?  Or has my fantasy of a modern Tecmo Bears jumped out of the old school Nintendo and into my previously-stunted life?

 

Brandon Marshall is wetting on the Colts.  Wetting on them!

 

Bears into Colts territory, as Marshall earns high praise from Token Announcer Not Named Gus Johnson (I’m watching at the bar without sound, but when it comes to NFL announcing, there is Gus Johnson, and then there’s everyone else.  The man has no peer group.  None)

 

“I didn’t play corner, but I can’t imagine people lining up to volunteer to cover Brandon Marshall” – Token Announcer Not Named Gus Johnson.

 

The Bears’ drive stalls out due to an offensive pass interference penalty on Hester.

 

Robbie Gould boots a 35 yard field goal.  17-7 BEARS BEARS BEARS!

 

Colts put together  a quick, efficient drive.  Donald Brown shreds the Bears defense for a touchdown.  Donald Brown.  I am embarrassed.  And possibly a little concerned about this defense, going forward.

 

17-14 Bears.  Commercial break.  Time to head to the men’s room and drop a Donald Brown.

 

We’re back, and the Bears pick up a big 3rd down and cross midfield on a pass to Cutler’s Vanderbilt mate, Earl Bennett.  Two minute warning.

 

Woot!  Cutler to Bennett again, down at the half yard line after a review took a touchdown off the board.  Good call though.  First and goal Bears!

 

BOOM!  Michael Bush snags his second easy touchdown and becomes 2012’s official fantasy football touchdown vulture in the process.  24-14 BEARS!  Under 50 seconds left in the half.

 

The Colts string together a one-minute drill, with Luck settling in and finding his old security blanket in fellow Stanford cardinal Coby Fleener.  But Vinatieri blows the kick!  Time to retire, bro.

 

Halftime.  24-14 Bears.

 

CHUG.  CHUG.  CHUG.

 

Halftime thoughts:

 

Just happy to be up 10 after giving up the pick-6 to start the game.

 

Donald Brown doing anything at all was extremely disconcerting.

 

Dwight Freeney injured his ankle and likely won’t return to the game.  Good news for the Bears’ pass protection.

 

Brandon Marshall is an unstoppable monster.  72 yards at halftime.  1 touchdown.  Plus, he’s drawn 2 pass interference calls in the end zone, both of which quickly resulted in Michael Bush touchdowns.

 

This is a bizarre feeling watching the Bears’ suddenly-vaunted passing attack.  Alternative Dimension, Through-the-Rabbit-Hole bizarre.

 

2nd half:

 

3 and out for the Colts on their first possession.  The Bears defense needed this after a shaky conclusion to the first half.

 

Bears ball.  Time to rip this sucker open.

 

Michael Bush gashes through the Colts for a large gain.

 

Alshon Jeffery shakes-and-bakes after a catch in the red zone.

 

Matt Forte finishes the Colts off, Mortal Kombat style with his first touchdown run of the season.  It’s 31-14 Bears.  This is about to get ugly.

 

And it just did.  LaVon Brazil senselessly brings the kickoff out of the end zone.  Fumbles it.  BEARS ball!

 

BEARS BEARS BEARS BEARS, oh glorious BEARS!

 

Robbie Gould adds another field goal.  GOULD Standard.  34-14 Bears.

 

LaVon Brazil is preparing a thank you note to the Cols’ normally-atrocious defense, in ornate, beautiful calligraphy for bailing him out of further disgrace.

 

Speaking of disgraces, Donald Brown just dropped another pass.  Welcome back to reality, clown.

 

Kelvin Hayden just completely eviscerated Donnie Avery.  I am never letting Forte or LaForte Zeoli play football, ever.  Ouch.

 

BEARS BEARS BEARS BEARS!  Chris Conte intercepts Luck in the end zone off a tip from Jennings.  What did Jennings do in the offseason?  P-90X?  Bikram yoga?  Sign me up.

 

Colts get the ball back, I drink some beer. I drink some more beer.  And then…

 

FUMBLE!    The Bears strip Luck, recovered by Peppers.  4th turnover of the day for the Colts, and the 3rd by Luck.  Welcome to the NFL, Rook!

 

End of the 3rd quarter.  Still 34-14, Bears.

 

Colts ball, and they convert on a 4th and 10 and weasel their way into the red zone.

 

Touchdown Colts.  34-21.  I’m officially worried about this defense.  10:30 left to play in the game.

 

Brandon Marshall picks up a huge first down across the 40.

 

Michael Bush powers through on a 3rd and 1 to keep the drive alive.  We’re under 6 minutes to play.

 

Cutler unleashes his unholy arm and completely demolishes the Colts’ resolve on a 42 yard play-action bomb to rookie wide-out Alshon Jeffery.  41-21 BEARS.  Warm up the bus!

 

Sack city, b-tch!  Sack Sack City, b-tch!  Luck gets smashed and the Colts are forced to punt it away.

 

On the Colts next possession, Jennings goes Beast Mode vertical and Tecmo Bowl jumps for his 2nd pick of the game.

 

The Bears display a modicum of mercy and take a knee.

 

BEARS WIN:  41-21.

I am moderately sated by this triumphant victory, yet my cold Blue and Orange heart burns for 48 points.  55.  62.  More.  More.  More.

 

I just ate cake and ice cream at the bar.  What is happening right now?!

 

See y’all in the Super Bowl.  I’ll be the guy with the party hat and the sippy cup, losing his mind.

 

BEAR DOWN!!!

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