DEAR BRYAN MCCABE, WHY ARE YOU STILL IN TORONTO?

Dear Bryan McCabe, Why are you still in Toronto? I mean, I understand why you originally wanted to play in Toronto. It is the center of the hockey universe. There are more hockey fans in Toronto than any other city in the world. I also understand that you're from St. Catharines, Ontario and grew up a Maple Leaf fan. One thing about playing in the center of the hockey universe though is that there are more eyes watching you than in any other NHL market, and these eyes do not forget what they see. You should know better than anyone what they've seen. They've seen a guy score on his own net. They've seen a guy pass the puck directly onto the stick of his opponent allowing his opponent to score the goal that defeats your team several times. They've seen a defenseman who seems to take his time skating into his own zone to defend the offensive rush of his opponents. They see their worse defensive defenseman get paid more than any other player on the team. You're the 10th highest paid defenseman in the league, and the fans in Toronto don't think you're worth it. On occasion, the Toronto fans also see you sport a handle bar moustache that makes you look more like a gay biker than a hockey player. Because of these things, you get booed. I'm sure you can hear it. You're not only booed at the arena. Toronto fans take the time to make websites and youtube videos about how much they hate you and want you to leave. You're ridiculed in the media ? print and on television. Now, you know just like everyone else knows that you hold the key to your own destiny. You've got a no trade clause and the Leafs management along with every other hockey fan in the city wants you to waive that no trade clause and leave town. I don't understand why you'd want to stay where you're not wanted. If you go to some city that doesn't care about hockey so much, maybe they won't notice your horrible defensive play if you put a few pucks in the net. Why not go anywhere that wants you? Look, chances are that the Toronto fans will never forgive you for your mistakes, but if you're going to piss everyone off by sticking around here's a few things you may want to try to accomplish. First off, do not score on your own net ever again. I guess that goes without saying. Secondly, I know you're 33 years old and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but maybe you could learn how to play a little defence. You are a defenseman. Maybe you can have a look at newly acquired defenseman, Jeff Finger and take some notes. You could also concentrate a little more on your job and not your facial hair. You look like you could use some Ritalin or something. The last suggestion I have, which is maybe the most likely for you to accomplish is for you to score 68 points in 73 games like you did three seasons ago. People liked that. If you can be an elite scoring defenseman again and not cough up the puck quite as much, there's a chance that you may be forgiven. Paul Coffey scored on his own net once, and he's a Hall of Famer. Anyway, I hope you take my suggestions under consideration and have better luck next season. Sincerely, Mike Jack