Fire Ferguson, hire Steve Simmons as next Leafs GM

In Toronto, as we all know, the dream of winning a Stanley Cup for the first time in more than 40 years takes priority over combating international terrorism, finding a cure for AIDS, and putting the brakes on global warming. (Among other back-burner issues.) With that unwavering focus in mind, Toronto Sun sports columnist Steve Simmons takes the old adage of "tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em, then tell 'em, and then tell 'em what you told 'em" and elevates it to an art form. The "tell 'em" part, for the benefit of those who abstain from the Sun, consists of "fire John Ferguson Jr." (Repeat as necessary.)