Originally posted on Puck Drunk Love  |  Last updated 11/3/11

NEW YORK - JANUARY 25: Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins skates against the New York Rangers on January 25, 2010 at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Penguins defeated the Rangers 4-2. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Based on the new Patrick Kane and Tim Thomas Discover commercials, I found myself wondering what other product/player pairs would be good fits. Here's what I was able to find out.

Matt Cooke and Summer's Eve

Matt Cooke, being the league's douche du jour, has teamed up with the industry's leading provider of feminine hygiene products. Matt will be starring in a series of commercials that show how he doesn't have to worry about his embarrassing personal odor any longer, thanks to Summer's Eve's great products. He’ll also be incorporating their new “Hail to the V” slogan in his goal celebrations by throwing his gloves off and forming a V with his hands high in the air while his linemates all drop and channel Wayne and Garth at him.

Viktor Stalberg and ProActiv 

When Stalberg isn’t getting his head out his ass and cutting to the middle with speed and scoring goals (which is most of the damn time), he’s making sure his panty dropping babyface is silky smooth and acne free. He does this with the ProActiv acne solution. I mean, Stalberg clearly has finishing problems (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID), so why else would he still be sought after and given every chance to succeed? That’s right. His mug.

Niklas Kronwall and Moon Shoes

[youtube]OaMY8XakxQ8[/youtube]

Kronwall will be featured in Moon Shoe’s comeback campaign, which will include a new product called Moon Skates, which allow one to leap high into the air to deliver devastating, dirty hits. Kronwall has secretly been testing the Moon Skates for quite some time, as is evidenced by this highlight reel:

[youtube]CyUfRpDU1TQ[/youtube]

 

Todd Bertuzzi and Big Stick Sheleighleighs

(Yes, that’s a made up company.) One of the NHL’s resident and most infamous dirtbags, Todd Bertuzzi, is certainly no stranger to the “carry a big stick” mentality. In fact, he takes it literally. Instead of dirtying his hands with the likes of Steve Moore, he can channel his inner Marty McSorely and strike down his opponents with ease, thanks to Big Stick Sheleighleighs!

Christian Ehrhoff and Persuasion Lessons

I mean, how else could CHRISTIAN EHRHOFF get a TEN YEAR contract including getting paid TEN MILLION DOLLARS this season? There’s no other logical explanation.

Roberto Luongo and Kleenex

The Gold Medal Winning Because Of Backstopping An All Star Team goalie teams up with Kleenex to promote their newest product: Kleenex in a Bottle. The hardest part of Roberto Luongo’s gameday is trying to wipe away those tears after those meanie opponents score through any of the various holes he leaves open. With new Kleenex in a Bottle, he can easily use the aerosol spray can to spray a super absorbent Kleenex on to his face. But that’s not even the best part! After that, when he gets a drink of water, the Kleenex instantly dissolves leaving his eyes unobstructed to watch the next hilarious fluttering shot squeak through his pads! They’re also in discussions for a special type of Kleenex to wipe the grease out of Bobby Lu’s hair before bedtime.

Sidney Crosby and Redi Shade Black Out Shades 

Now that Crosby is just about ready to return to the ice, he can also return to product advertisement. And what better way to make his glorious and triumphant return than by showcasing Redi Shade’s Black Out Shades! “Redi Shade’s Black Out Shades got me through the darkest part of my career!” opined Crosby in the new commercial. “Without Redi Shade, I’d be forced to stare in the life-giving ball of nuclear fuel that is our sun,” continued Crosby. I feel that the endorsement of the shades will go well, but I’m not so sure about the Redi Shade Black Out Visor shown below.

[follow]

This article first appeared on Puck Drunk Love and was syndicated with permission.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Thunder interested in trading for Carmelo Anthony

Mayweather says he will stand ‘toe to toe’ with McGregor

Raiders to limit Marshawn Lynch's workload in 2017?

Kobe Bryant responds to if he is influencing Kyrie Irving

Andy Reid chastises Tamba Hali for social media outburst

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Every 2009-2016 NBA MVP will now play for Warriors or Cavaliers

Mike Tyson weighs in on Conor McGregor’s chances of beating Floyd Mayweather

Report: Robert Griffin III scheduled to work out with Chargers

Report: Derrick Rose will sign with Cavs

Notes on the prospects from 2017 NBA Summer League

Mississippi State fan uncovered infamous Freeze phone call

The 'When George Brett went completely batty' quiz

Finding the possible Achilles' heel for baseball’s best teams

Getaway Day: A pair of aces get lost in the shuffle

Sports & Politics Intersect: Trump casts shadow over U.S. Women's Open

Best of Yardbarker: General managers take the spotlight

The 'Pay that man his money' quiz

The unexpected rise of the Connecticut Sun

The National League Wild Card is suddenly relevant again

Kicking It: USMNT struggles to find consistency in Gold Cup as World Cup qualifying nears

Three Up, Three Down: The Dodgers are a complete juggernaut right now

BIG3 Week 5: Pivotal make-or-break weekend in Chicago

Who won the Open Championship in the year you were born?

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

The 'When George Brett went completely batty' quiz

Finding the possible Achilles' heel for baseball’s best teams

Getaway Day: A pair of aces get lost in the shuffle

Sports & Politics Intersect: Trump casts shadow over U.S. Women's Open

The National League Wild Card is suddenly relevant again

The 'Pay that man his money' quiz

BIG3 Week 5: Pivotal make-or-break weekend in Chicago

The 'Let's show a little love for James Jones' quiz

Making an NFL GM change in the summer has its benefits

The 'Yoan Moncada era starts now' quiz

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker