Originally written on The Royal Half  |  Last updated 10/18/14
Boy... and we all thought that Anze Kopitar signing with a 2nd Tier hockey team in Sweden would be the biggest news of the day. Thankfully, Philip Anschutz put an end to that. So Jesse Cohen and I sat down with the Woodward and Bernstein of the AEG sale, Dennis Bernstein, to figure out why Anschutz wants to sell off his evil empire.  "Pardonnez-moi, monsieur... this photo is for players only." "Shut it, Bernier. I played more in these playoffs than you did." You can check out the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below. And in international news... The Royal Half was featured on television! Well... Canadian television... but it's still television nonetheless! Something called the Global News featured "Locked Out & I Know It" in their roundup of what dumb hockey fans were doing with their time off. You can check out the link here. Ugh, TV adds 10 pounds to my blog name. And finally, a few days ago Jesse Cohen released a massive diatribe against the NHL Lockout the only way he knows how... to the tune of a classic childrens' poem about Santa Claus. Which is pretty impressive for Jesse... mainly because he's Jewish. Here it is, in its entirety. Twas the day of the lockout and no talks were planned There would be no heroics, no late night last stand The players and owners would fight over cash While the hopes and the dreams of the fans were all dashed They had taken to facebook and reddit and twitter And as the lockout drew closer their words became bitter “Up yours Gary Bettman!” “Screw you Donald Fehr” “Please don’t make another season disappear” But the lawyers on both sides had made up their minds And politely told fans we could kiss their behinds Despite all the owners griping and complaints They were handing out contracts with little restraint “Four more years for Shane Doan, $18 Million for Burrows!!!” While the brows of the fans became wrinkled and furrowed “Don’t blame us” said the players “for the owners confusion” While their salaries climbed the fans grew disillusioned We don’t care about escrows, profit sharing or rollbacks Or if big market teams should pay a luxury tax We want to see hockey not hear your regrets or listen to lawyers posture and make threats And the good news for fans, who might be so inclined There’ll be hockey this year, you can watch it online The juniors and minors will still play their games While the NHLPA call the owners bad names “It won’t be as fun as the big leagues” you’ll scoff But it beats watching Baseball or Tennis or Golf And before you all know it this lockout will end And we’ll go back to watching the teams over spend And in another six years or possibly later We’ll find ourselves cursing a new batch of traitors New owners, new players and a new set of lawyers Brand new employees and brand new employers They’ll fight over money and lengths of contracts They’ll distort the numbers and twist all the facts And we’ll keep on watching and filling the stands Because the league knows we’re “the worlds greatest fans” for us it’s not business it’s a piece of our lives It makes us skip work and helps us survive It brings us together, it makes grown men weep It fills all our dreams when we fall fast asleep So forgive us dear players and agents and owners If we rant and we rave and we call you all moaners You’re stealing our fun and you’re taking our hockey Forcing us to choose between Norfolk and Milwaukee We won’t get to see the Kings raising their banner Or watch them defend it, (and do it for Tanner) We’ll miss the NHL on our TV sets The Leafs and the Habs and the Flames and Jets The Sharks and the Blues, the Coyotes and Ducks The Wild, the Flames and Vancouver Canucks The Bruins and Flyers and Penguins and Red Wings The Rangers and Devils and the joy watching them brings So I make this last plea tho I know it won’t matter Please cut through the jargon and ******** and chatter End the lockout as quickly as you possibly can Or I may actually consider not being a fan

Tim Tebow: Gators don't have offensive leadership, lack heart

Colts punter asks Antonio Brown not to kick him in face

NFL: Luke Kuechly should not have been ejected

Report: Okla. St. players fell asleep in drive-thru, arrested

Oscar Pistorius sentenced to five years in prison

Mike Pettine considered benching Hoyer for Manziel


Percy Harvin speaks out: 'I'm not a perfect person'

Report: Kobe has prevented Lakers from signing top talent

Red Sox may be ready to move Yoenis Cespedes

Alleged details of War Machine's suicide letter released

Austin Davis says Rams security didn't recognize him

LeBron: Bulls are 'much better' than Cavs right now

College football's post-Week 8 Playoff projection

Ortiz surprised military families with World Series tickets

NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Floyd Mayweather posts photo evidence of a lost bet

WATCH: Paul George takes court for first time since leg injury

Five most surprising NFL players through seven weeks

WATCH: Boxer viciously attacks referee at Euro Championships

WATCH: Salvador Perez hassles Lorenzo Cain at media session

Lane Kiffin trashed in Tennessee political ad

WATCH: Lawrence Timmons throws up on field during MNF

10 NBA players who could be traded by the All-Star break

WATCH: Jimbo Fisher gets annoyed, cuts interview short

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Pistorius sentenced to five years

Lane Kiffin trashed in political ad

Details of War Machine's suicide letter leaked

Angry Jimbo Fisher cuts off interview

Is Kobe's deal hurting the Lakers?

Tenn. coach tried to trip Ole Miss CB?

GGG continues his reign of terror

The 6 things that mattered this weekend in the premier league

News station congratulates Gary Payton for TD record

Ray Rice could be back by Week 10?

12 amazing stats from Week 7

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.