Originally written January 07, 2013 on Days of Y'Orr:
  Sounds about right... Dear Dedicated Fan #012536, The National Hockey League announced that the lockout is over and soon you’ll be able to come back to TD Garden and give us all your money watch the Bruins again! The lockout was just as hard for us as it was for you fans. Most of us suffered severe abdominal injuries from laughing at you so much but we also miss the exciting action. To show how much we truly care, all items in the Pro Shop will be reduced by 0.0000000005% if you purchase anything between 10:15AM – 10:16AM EST. Please note, however, that because of this discount the Bruins will likely be forced to jack up the price of your season tickets by 52-87% next season. You know how hard up the organization is for cash *******! Hahahaha just kidding WE’RE RICH *****! We apologize in advance but it is the only alternative. We will continue to pretend we value your loyalty by giving the first 50 people at every game a poorly made hat that wouldn’t ...
PLAYERS: Cam Neely
TEAMS: Boston Bruins
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