Found February 20, 2013 on The Royal Half:
Generally I write some sort of intro to the "Know Your Opponent" series at The Royal Half... where Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck takes an in-depth look at the Los Angeles Kings opponent for tonight's game. But those days are gone... as Brigitte is taking a big step today... and setting herself up for complete ridicule instead of me having to do it. Take it away, Brigitte!!!   Usually when I write one of these posts I try to a least say one thing nice about the other team. I think of it as a hockey karma sort of deal. As long as I don't completely verbally assault the other team, maybe the hockey gods will be kind to the Kings. Unfortunately, this also means I tend to have a lack of hate mail. I'm sad about this. Why? I feed off of your hatred, that's why. It seems all horrible comments about me get directed to The Royal Half instead.   OneGirlOneCondom was my name before I gave up on safe sex.   It's cool though, most people seem to enjoy my random rants I guess. If you don't though, please don't hesitate to go **** yourself. Now, onto the Flames...   Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for for the Kings vs Calgary Flames on February 20th, 2013!!! Oh the Flames...they might be are the most depressing team in the league. Yes, I know the Blue Jackets are bad, but they're at least accepting that and attempting to rebuild. The Flames though, just sort of dwell in mediocrity. They are the model of how to never ever ever build a franchise. That's what leads fans to do this.   Throwing away 200 bucks just to show how much you've given up on life.   It's a sad sad place. A place that drives fans to do crazy things. The only thing that could make it worse would be if there was some sort of super alcohol that could fuel the fans into an even sadder drunken state. Oh wait...what? There is such a super alcohol in Calgary?     I'm pretty sure that headache is from watching Jay Feaster try to assemble a "team".   So I decided to see what some of the Flames fans had to say about the legendary beer. I mean if I rooted for that terrible franchise, I would practically worship that stuff. Unfortunatly, this what happened when I tried to go to the fan forum at the Flames website.     I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but...I'm saying "C of Red" sounds incredibly stupid.    Eventually I did find some stuff about the beer, and's pretty great. There is a apparently a challange you can take with the beer. It's basically the "How many Heroin Beers can you drink before you blackout" challenge. Not going to lie, it sounds more fun than having to sit through a Flames game sober.   This is the depressing trifecta.  1. This guy at one point owned a Dion Phaneuf Flames jersey.  2. He felt compelled to basically cheat death for 100 dollars. 3. He felt the need to tell everyone on a Flames message board about it.     Here's the poor bastard. He has a complete Photbucket album of his decent into death. So what do the other Flames fans think of this guy? Do they think he's as insane as I do? Nope! He's basically a God to them.    Your reading comprehension "defyes" me.   Congrats on accomplishing your goal of killing your internal organs!     That guys "hypothetical" story is way to detailed to be fake.     I wonder if this is the pre-game meal of the players too.  I think we may have solved the problem in Calgary.      This is the follow-up post by Mrsplashypants.  I'm glad he's happy with himself, because I bet his parents aren't.    Amen.  At least someone gets it!    Of course this Heroin Beer could explain a lot of things about the Flames. For example, why they felt bringing Michael Cammalleri back was a good idea. It also could explain why they haven't traded Jerome Iginla to a contender already, or maybe get another goalie so Miikka Kiprusoff doesn't have to play 99.9% percent of the games. I mean honestly, doesn't this sound like the thought process of someone who is just completely hammered all the time? Think about it, it all makes sense.    Why else would they pay Dennis Wideman an atrocious amount of money?      No way in hell this was decided while sober.      This also explains why they thought trading for Joey MacDonald was a good idea.     This is what happens when you pay your employees in beer. (I would also like to point out that Ales Hemsky would be leading the Flames in goals this year) I mean just one look at the Calgary Flames Cap Geek page reads like one big drunken mistake.   My God.  Just look at this and then try not to kill yourself via alcohol poisoning.   As if you didn't think it could get worse, here's the defense. *Chugging of death beer begins*   This is just sad. Not even the "LOL THIS TEAM IS HILARIOUSLY BAD LOL" way. It's the "OH GOD PLEASE DON'T HARM YOURSELVES" kind of bad. Of course this means they'll beat the Kings by three goals and MacDonald will have a shutout. It's cool though, maybe I'll get some hate mail out of this. In the end, that's all that really matters here.

Reflecting On The GM Career Of Darryl Sutter In Calgary

from Randy Sportak of the Calgary Sun, When Sutter took over as GM, adding to his coaching duties, he could do no wrong, and it paid off. He took a team which was a laughingstock, having missed the playoffs seven consecutive seasons, and coached it to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals during that miracle 2004 run. He acquired goalie Miikka Kiprusoff for a second-round draft...

Richard Cloutier: Oil Price Rising; Flames Subsiding

I got to thinking about the trade deadline while speaking to a friend on Twitter earlier. The focus of the discussion was the Calgary Flames. For those who don't know what's happening, allow me to explain: Calgary GM Jay Feaster ripped the Oilers organization a little over a year ago with respect to the idea of going "full rebuild". 'Full Rebuild' is...

Mark Giordano Fined For Slew-Foot

NEW YORK (February 19, 2013) – Calgary Flames defenseman Mark Giordano has been fined $10,000, the maximum allowed under the Collective Bargaining Agreement, for slew-footing Dallas Stars forward Antoine Roussel in NHL Game No. 215 in Dallas on Sunday, February 17, the National Hockey League’s Department of Player Safety announced today. As defined by NHL Rule 52: “Slew-footing...

Colin Dambrauskas: Calgary Flames Post Game thoughts…and the Oilers Perpetual Rebuild

Follow me on Twitter for updates and discussions: @ColinDJD __________________________________________________________________ The Islanders were beat 7-0 last night against Chicago so at least Calgary wasn’t the worst game on TV last night… It only took 41 seconds for Keith Yandle to score on Monday night, and though the Flames would hold strong through the 1st...

Net Effect For Week 5

This week, The Net Effect takes a look at some situations that have developed over the past week. Some good, some bad, and one that’s just plain ugly. Calgary Flames- I feel like I dissect this team every week. Well, here it goes again. After Mikka Kiprusoff went down with an injury, Leland Irving started four games in a row for the Flames, going 2-0-1 before being sent...

Armstrong Sees Spartans As Family

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Colin Dambrauskas: Calgary Flames Post Game thoughts // The Edmonton Oilers Perpetual Rebuild

Follow me on Twitter for updates and discussions: @ColinDJD __________________________________________________________________ The Islanders were beat 7-0 last night against Chicago so at least Calgary wasn’t the worst game on TV last night… It only took 41 seconds for Keith Yandle to score on Monday night, and though the Flames would hold strong through the 1st...

Colin Dambrauskas: Calgary Flames Take On Los Angeles Kings

Follow me on Twitter for updates and discussions: @ColinDJD __________________________________________________________________ The Calgary Flames will be taking on the Los Angeles Kings tonight at the Saddledome. The Kings will look to end their three game road trip on a strong note, and another two points tonight would boost their road wins to 5-5-1. Conversely, the Flames are...
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