Originally posted on The Royal Half  |  Last updated 4/21/13
FIRST... read our GAMEDAY PREVIEW for tonight's LA Kings game against the Dallas Stars. Exclusively on LAKings.com. This will make more sense once you've read the GAMEDAY PREVIEW. THEN...  Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck is back with an all-Dallas Stars edition of her demented look at the LA Kings opponent for tonight's game... something we like to call "Know Your Opponent!" Don't worry, LA Kings fans... I'm not going to be making fun of the Dallas Stars... last time I did that, it backfired big-time. The Stars went on to win this game 5-1. Take it away, Brigitte... *THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER* I've had a long standing hatred with the Stars. I've continuously had them at the top of my "Hate List", so I figured this post would be easy. If fact it was super easy until the Stars management (aka noted idiot GM Joe Nieuwendyk) decided to give up on the team. So I had this Dallas Stars post all ready to go for the game on April 9th, and it was glorious. It was really just a bunch of fun/compromising pictures from some of the more "colorful" characters on the Stars. Well...then this stuff happened and the post was ruined!   MOTHER *******!  Now no one will get to enjoy pictures like these!    Actual sexual attraction to hair is a real thing people. Jagr with some camels, because why not? I could look at pictures of Jagr in all his mullet and high-waisted jeans glory all day. Babe.   Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for for the Kings vs Dallas Stars on April 21st, 2013!!!   Of course then there was Derek Roy aka the supplier of all things I love. (I may or may not be in love with Derek Roy's life. Not necessarily him, but just his life. I want it.)   Drunk pictures with Ryan Miller while he's wearing a Harlem shirt? Check! Drinking an unnaturally large pink cocktail? Check! Partying with Chris Chelios and an ass-out Max Talbot? DOUBLE CHECK!      WHY DID YOU TRADE THESE GUYS DALLAS? Now I have nothing to talk about, because who the **** cares who's on the Stars now? Remember when we all hated Dallas? I know we still do, but they used to be my least favorite team. They were all a bunch of asshats. Remember Steve Ott?    Yea, you remember Steve Ott. Man, the Stars were a bunch of douche bags back in the day (aka last season). Oh man remember Mike Ribeiro?   Never Forget.   I actually kind of miss those assholes. There's just no one to hate anymore, and that makes me sad. Seriously, who am I gonna rip on, Loui Eriksson? That guy's like a puppy in a teddy bear outfit. Plus he's Swedish, and I never speak an ill word of the Swedes! I don't really know any of the other players outside of Benn, Cole, and Whitney (**** that guy BTW!). They're just a bunch of kids. Who the **** am I supposed to hate? Should I hate Oleksiak because he's tall as ****?    Fun fact: I watch all the local broadcasts dumb intermission videos, and there was one about Jamie Oleksiak eating at Whole Foods. That's it. Dallas is dumb.   What about Cody Eakin? He's REALLY ginger, and no one likes gingers (GROSS!!!)   Presented without comment. Literally speechless.   This just isn't fun anymore! **** off Dallas why do you have to ruin things? THIS IS WHY WE KICKED YOU OUT OF THE PACIFIC ASSHOLES! Have fun missing the playoffs by a ******* point like always!   PS: These guys say "Hi"! "I ******* love Ray Shero!"   "SUCK MY DICK DALLAS"    
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

LeBron James says he’s in same class as Michael Jordan

Report: Some Texans players have already 'checked out' on coaches

WATCH: Washington scores against USC with trick play

Andre Johnson, Colts down Texans in key division win

Claude Julien: Illegal hit on Patrice Bergeron warrants ‘further consequences’

Foster’s return to game after head injury raises questions


Lions owner Martha Ford is not happy with NFL about blown call on MNF

New details on Duke Williams dismissal

Baylor’s RG3 statue vandalized by TCU fans

FSU’s Dalvin Cook looking good to play Saturday against Miami

Rangers survive war of attrition in Game 1 vs Blue Jays

NBA Players Union to fund cardiac screenings for retired players

Name every QB to play in the NFL at the age of 40

Matt Hasselbeck was ‘on his death bed’ before Texans game

WATCH: Jets' Burmistrov lays dirty hit on Bruins' Bergeron

Report: Cowboys ban filming offense in practice with Patriots next on schedule

Maryland HC Randy Edsall responds on Twitter to firing reports

Pacquiao says he is in talks with Mayweather about rematch

Wisconsin looks to bounce back against Nebraska

Jack Del Rio: Raiders will go after Peyton Manning, want to ‘take him down’

Charles Barkley will guest star on 'The NFL Today'

Week 5 NFL power rankings

Poor Royals grounds crew member gets eaten by tarp

Vin Scully to miss the entire postseason; will return in 2016

Colin Kaepernick’s contract structure protects team from overpaying struggling QB

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Name every QB to play in the NFL at the age of 40

Week 5 NFL power rankings

Vin Scully to miss the entire postseason

Putin celebrates birthday by scoring seven goals in hockey game

"Friday Night Lights" writer calls Chip Kelly a fraud

Women in sports this week: Is this 2015 or 1965?

Three reasons each AL team can win the pennant

Garrett addresses Hardy's comments about Gisele

Five outrageous predictions for NFL Week 5

Rex makes players do push-ups in practice after penalty calls

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Follow Yardbarker