The East is Green – Quick Feet, Quick Cars and Alfie’s Quick Fix

Quick Feet

“He’s got quick feet” is a common pundits phrase, as if the rest of his body’s got trouble keeping up with them. It reminds me of the ‘Roadrunner’ cartoon where his feet are a yard ahead of the body.

Some former footballers become media pundits and co-commentators but it’s not always easy especially live commentaries, Derek Johnstone was commenting on a Celtic game once and admired the way Davie Hay used his substitutes: “Aye Davie always likes to keep a fresh pair of legs up his sleeves”.  And who was it that said about a certain player: “I wasn’t sure about him at first, I was kind of 50/50 but now I’m the other way around.
He makes defence splitting passes but he’s often facing his own defence.”

Chipping Klos

When the question of your favourite player comes up it can depend on your age who you pick Jimmy Johnstone and Kenny Dalglish, Henrik Larsson and of course you could not leave out Paul McStay.

But if we move away from the obvious ones for a moment and pick player a notch or two down from them then I’d go for Jorge Cadete. Of course Cadete was not in Larsson’s class but 32 goals in 39 games is pretty decent in any league. Even with all his other issues the great pity was we never saw more of his speed and ability to beat a keeper, supplied with The Maestro’s vision and through balls..what might have been.

It’s the same with favourite goals everyone picks Larsson ‘chipping Klos’ in the 6-2 game and ignores his many other brilliant strikes particularly one on 15 April 2001 in the Scottish Cup semi-final against Dundee Utd at Hampden.  Sutton crossed from the right wing down at the non-Celtic end Henrik met it with his head on the corner of the six-yard box the ball flew in between Gallagher and his left-hand post, watch it on you tube below, it’s a truly outstanding and sometimes forgotten about goal.

Some games and goals have been given names like The 7-1 game or Larsson chipping Klos, another is
The 4-2 game or 10 Men Won The League. That Monday night  Roy Aitken got Celtic’s first, George McCluskey number two to make it 2-2 then Colin Jackson scored an own goal putting Celtic in front before a Murdo howitzer got the fourth. Years later in an Old Firm Q&A they were asked their favourite Old Firm goal and Colin Jackson picked Murdo’s screamer.  Surely not untill he explained if Murdo never scored, Jackson’s OG would have gone down in history as the goal that won Celtic the 1979 League Championship.

Alfie Poland

Not another one, yes yet again another story about a Bhoy at work.  I got the impression electrician Alfie Poland could look after himself when he put a burly young scaffolder in his place arguing over a TV remote.  A bit of a toe-rag in Glasgow in the sixties, involved with the gangs. He was from Maryhill so probably the Fleet.

His family knew it would all end badly he’ll end up in a box or Barlinnie so they sent him over to The States to stay with his uncle in Chicago. Alfie got married and settled down to a quieter life. if the weather was good every Sunday morning after mass he would sit outside the house and read the paper.  A dog owner used to come along and allow the dog to lift its leg and pee on the garbage can (US terms). After this happened a couple of times Alfie asked the guy in an non-confrontational manner would he mind not letting the dog do that as in the warm weather it really stinks, to which the man took offence and became aggressive.

The old Alfie would have put him on his back. Alfie is a spark remember so he ran a cable out to where his seat was and fitted a switch to it with another cable and two crocodile clips onto the metal bin all very discreetly.  The bad mannered dog owner was a punctual man if nothing else. So same man, same dog, same time the dog lifts his leg and Alfie proves that water conducts electricity even if it’s dog urine, it yelped and dragged the guy half way across the road. He never came back.

Cars

We could all go to the games in cars if we wanted even if you don’t drive you’ll know someone who does. Yes it gets you home quicker but it hardly compares with comradeship and fun of a rowdy supporters bus.

You’ll not hear what a laugh we had in the car on Saturday, aye get the tunes on, get the carry out, get the sing song going, goan Archie auld son give us The Legion of the Rearguard, order now one singer one song, that car’s mental by the way and that mob in the back seat clean off their heads, bottles of Buckfast, 8.5 % Oranjieboom,(please drink responsibly) Jägermeister bombers don’t know what they’re smoking but it stinks then on the way home that cheeky so-and-so got the nerve to put the hat round for the driver….(not that these kind of things happen on supporters buses these days! – Ed)…

“Whit a bloody cairry oan”

The East is Green is a self published booklet written by life-long Celtic supporter Brian McAuley, who has also personally designed so many Celtic Supporters Club badges and many of them will be shown on The Celtic Star as we serialise this brilliant little book. Running to just over 100 pages it’s a great insight into supporting Celtic and attending games stretching as far back as the 1950s to the modern day.

As we have done previously with Jerry Woods’ brilliant To Lisbon and Back on a Fiver, we’re happy to put any reader in touch with Brian and he’s post and package you a copy of The East is Green for the very reasonable cost of £5 plus postage. Just drop an email to editor@thecelticstar.co.uk and we’ll be pleased to make the necessary introductions. More from The East is Green on The Celtic Star over the coming weeks. HH